Awesomeness Inspirer

Movin' The Operation

2009-05-18T13:31:00.002-04:00

Hello all!

I have been trying to come up with a way to combine everything I love into one concept and have decided to start yet another blog.

This is it, though! This blog combines my love for art and creativity, spirituality, helping people, delicious food, and travel into one happy little package.

Recipes for Creativity showcases all the things I love with the intention of helping people find joy and get a good laugh at the same time.

Thanks for reading and please, visit my new blog!

You Are Responsible For You

2009-05-14T13:07:00.002-04:00

Just a reminder: you are not responsible for other people's feelings. Or for fixing other people. Or for making sure they live their best lives. Or making them happy. Those things are their job. We are all responsible for ourselves, people!

I suffer from this disease just like most (okay, all) of my coaching clients. Today I was inspired to write about this subject again because it's come up twice this week alone, with two different people I'm coaching.

One of my clients is a man in his 30's who is somewhat recently divorced. He'd like to get back out there in the dating world, but is really, really stuck on the idea that he must never, ever do anything to hurt any woman he dates. I laughed out loud when he told me this gem! (Don't worry, he took that well.) There is absolutely no way on God's green earth you're going to be able to be in any relationship, especially a romance, where the other person isn't going to get hurt. Unless the other person is Jesus. Or Buddha. Or Mother Theresa.

Seriously, you could forget that it was your girlfriend's cat's birthday and she could be hurt, or you could tell your boyfriend you didn't like his shirt and he could take it personally. Your only job in the relationship is to set boundaries for yourself, respect your partner's boundaries, and work on improving YOU. Be kind, be gentle, compromise, be understanding, but remember, you love and take care of yourself first and foremost.

My client argues with me on that last point, fearing that if he cares for himself first he'll become cold and callous, leaving broken hearts strewn about the highways and byways across the nation. I disagree. If he fills himself up with love and sets good boundaries, he won't hurt another person intentionally; he'll be too filled up with love for himself and his partner for that to happen.

The other situation where this came up this week was slightly different. One of my other clients, a wonderful woman who is around 50, would like to close down her business. In fact, the thought of keeping it open makes her feel like she's is being choked. However, her mind keeps telling her things like, "I have to stay open, these people need me" and "I can't close down, I'll let people down". Yikes!

I asked her why she thought these people needed her, and she said "because the Universe brought them to me, and I've been working with some of them for almost ten years." Like me, she's a big believer in the Law of Attraction and the idea that the Universe will bring you what you attract, so I asked her if she thought she was the only person the Universe would ever provide to these clients of hers, the only person who could help them in the whole wide world. When she looked at it that way, it became clear to her that her worries were silly, she was trying to play God, and trying to take responsibility for these people's lives, when they are in charge of their own destinies.

I also asked her if she saw that her staying in this career, where her energy is being drained, is going to do more harm, not good, for her clients. Her energy will be much better used in a new career where she feels alive and like the Universe is on her side. She completely agreed. By the end of the session she saw clearly how she was trying to make all of her clients happy, and the guilt she felt about leaving them was the only thing keeping her in her business. I now have the confidence that she'll face her fears about being responsible for her clients and the outcome of their lives head on and will be doing something new and wonderful by the end of the summer.

Are you taking responsibility for making someone else happy? How about, just for today, you practice only taking responsibility for yourself and your feelings, and see how it feels!

Be Joyful!

Your Giant List

2009-05-13T12:24:00.003-04:00

The following is a list of things I'd like to get done, preferably in the next 16 to 22 minutes:

Read the growing pile of extremely interesting-looking books that is currently residing on the floor next to my couch (including The Power of Now, A New Earth, The Conscious Heart, The Lightworker's Way, The Artist's Way, The Vein of Gold, and My Stroke of Insight)
Redesign my website to reflect new testimonials I've received, updated packages I'm offering, and lots of other things I can't think of right now
Come up with a new format for my blog that includes ALL of the things I love and am interested in sharing, such as healthy baking and cooking, coaching, art, travel, and humor, and deciding the best way to present this new format
Increase my blog readership
Blog
Take a nap
Take a shower
Do my upper body strength training
Watch a couple DVDs I have lying around
Finish my vision board
Send a follow up email to two clients
Prepare materials for an upcoming event at which I'll be showcasing my mad coaching skills
Pet my cats
Plan a beach vacation
Rewrite my "endgame" (where I write what I imagine my life to be in three to five years)
Reorganize the shelves next to my desk
Clean the bathroom
Clean the kitchen floor
Eat something chocolate
Become enlightened

Does your To Do list ever end up like that? Obviously there is way, way too much stuff on it, and trying to tackle everything on the list in one day, or even in one month, is extremely overwhelming. And what do I (and you too, admit it!) do when I'm overwhelmed? NOTHING! Okay, maybe I'd be able to check off "nap" and "eat chocolate" from the list while under the extreme stress of trying to make myself succeed at everything in the world rightthissecond, but other than that, not much is going to get done.

So what's the best way to check off the things on my list? I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Kidding!

First, read over the list. Okay, read it again, but this time look at each item and see how your body reacts to it. For me, the list of books I want to read makes me feel excited...until I realize just how much information that really is! So I have to break it down into chunks: some of the books are on loan from the library, so I'm going to make them a priority. Also, if I start reading a particular book and it doesn't speak to me, I'm going to let it go. I want to read all this stuff to help me with my journey and so I can gain valuable information to share with others. If it doesn't resonate with me, it won't stick to my brain, so there's no point in continuing with it.

The second item on my list, about my website, makes me feel all "shackles on" when I look at each and every single thing that needs to get done. In this case, I need to break what I want to get down into small, manageable "turtle steps", taking one at a time, even if it's only one per week!

Increasing my blog readership is an on-going process, so that will also be taken in turtle steps. The things that stick out on my list that I really want to do today are: take a shower, send my follow up emails, pet my cats, dream about a beach vacation (but no need to plan it in its entirety!), and eat chocolate. I guarantee you I will not be cleaning my kitchen floor today!

Look at your list. You probably have some things on your list that you "have" to do, right? I'll let it go that you're using victim language (for now) and just give you the best advice I can: use the three B's.

Can you buy it (or barter it)? For instance, if you don't want to cook dinner tonight and it's making you miserable, can you bring home takeout?

Can you bag it? Do you really, really have to make it to the lecture on reproductive cell spawning that your husband is giving tonight?

Can you better it? Maybe after you finish that report on double dutch and its environmental impact you can skip out of work ten minutes early and get a massage or glass of wine to reward yourself.

As for me, I'm going to check "blog" off my list and reward myself with some chocolate.

Your Job Description

2009-05-11T15:36:00.002-04:00

Today I was coaching someone who wants to make a career change. Besides the advice I've given before about The Happy Basket exercise and thinking about what she loved to do as a kid that made time fly, I told her to go to a place where she could imagine what having her dream career would feel like. Not what she'd be doing, specifically, just how good it would feel. Something about actually feeling what a new life would be like gets us to a different part of ourselves, I believe, to where we can start to access the greatness in ourselves.

At the end of our session she said, "If you get any ideas about what job I should be doing, let me know." Now, we talked about things she loves to do, just haven't put any cold, hard ideas down on paper. When I was sending her a follow-up email, I got the idea that she's searching for something that doesn't exist. Yet.

If I was to have looked for my job as a listing in the newspaper or on one of those lists of careers you get from the high school guidance counselor, I never would have found it. In fact, I'm still defining the boundaries of my profession, because I love to do lots and lots of things and keep trying to tweak what I do to include as many things that bring me joy as possible.

As such, I instructed her to write her own job title, job description, and job duties. You know when you see those formal job listings and they say things like:

Job Title: Consumer Information Systems Analyst Coordinator

Job Description: Report information from Consumer data bases into System X filing box while maintaining spotless shoes and perfect spine alignment

Job Duties: Finish as much work as possible during 16 hour days while assisting all other departments with their assignments, re-designing coffee machine dispensary, and hopping up and down on one foot.

Scary, boring, and vague, right? What if you could write your OWN job description? How fun would that be? You can put whatever you want on it, including things that you can't believe anyone will possible pay you for, like life coaching. Oh wait, people DO pay for that - but it didn't even exist as a profession 15 years ago!

Go do it, I know you're bored at work, so write up your own perfect career!

Be Joyful!

Wild Child Vs. Dictator

2009-05-07T10:54:00.002-04:00

Hi all. Or as they say in the south, Hi Y'all.

This morning I didn't know what to do with myself, so I started watching a set of DVD's that a fellow life coach sent me. As usual, they are so very interesting to me because they cover a topic that feeds my mild obsession, Martha Beck and her techniques for finding the best life for ourselves.

This set of discs is a film of a workshop she held after she released her most recent book, Steering By Starlight, and it's wonderful listening to her talk in further detail about the book.

I watched a little over an hour of it and then was struck with what I wanted to write about on this blog today. She gave a meditation method that allows us to access what she calls the "stargazer" part of our brain - The Watcher aspect that I blogged about recently. And, surprise, surprise, the phrase "may you be well, may you be happy, may you be free from suffering" makes an appearance in this particular meditation.

Here's the idea: think about something you're fighting with in your head. It could be that you want to lose weight, to stop worrying about your relationship, to change your career, to be a better person, to be more creative, to have more money. Whatever it is that is plaguing your thoughts, put that thought into your head.

Next, hold out your right hand. Seriously. Now, picture a teeny little two-inch version of yourself in your hand. This little version of you is wearing a military uniform and brandishing a weapon, and is yelling and screaming at you about what you need to do. "Stop eating that cheesecake! Stop worrying about your boyfriend! Make more money, now!" This part of you is called the dictator. The dictator just wants you to be your best, but the yelling and screaming isn't helping much, is it?

Hold your left hand up as well. Picture another two-inch version of yourself, this time it's your "wild child", and this version of you is wearing leaves and rags and sticks and is also angry, because it doesn't know what it's supposed to do and, as a result of all the screaming from dictator, is going super crazy. Perhaps the wild child is eating an entire barnyard, staying in a job just to spite the dictator, or absolutely refusing to move from the couch.

These two forces are pushing against each other, and this is why you're not able to make the changes you keep wanting to change...how can you?

Here's the meditation part: you're going to access a third part of your brain, the part that can see these other two sides of you, but that can remove itself from their argument. First, turn to the dictator. Send him or her loving kindness in the form of these words, "may you be well, may you be happy, may you be free from suffering". Keep going until you feel at peace with the dictator.

Repeat the same steps with the wild child aspect of you, continuing to repeat the phrase "may you be well, may you be happy, may you be free from suffering" until there is a sense of calm.

At this point you should feel much better about the issue that's been bugging you. I just took a pause from writing this blog to try this myself. My dictator was screaming to me about being more productive, improving my website, having more products to sell on my website, and that I should be making more money. My wild child was mostly just tearing at her hair and staring blankly. After doing the exercise I feel much, much more relaxed and peaceful. Give it a whirl.

Be Joyful!

WIGs

2009-05-05T08:23:00.002-04:00

Today I'm going to talk to you about Wildly Improbable Goals, or "WIG"s. As usual, I'm stealing this from my homey, Martha Beck.

I know I've talked about the Law of Attraction before and I think this goes together with that concept. The reason I'm writing about this today is because it works. Or I'm pretty sure it works, it seems to be working for me.

Here's the deal: What do you want to have in your life? Do you want to go to Europe? Get a new bike? Make $100 extra dollars this month? Buy a new house?

Pick something that you feel really good about - something that feels within the realm of possibility. I'm not going to tell you to set yourself up with a WIG like making 2.5 million dollars in the next 30 days selling boot legged copies of a Backstreet Boys concert from 1999 from the back of your pickup truck, because it ain't gonna happen. I'm talking something realistic, but maybe just slightly beyond what you normally would stretch for.

I currently have a couple that I'm working on. One is about increasing the traffic to my blogs, and one is about getting three new clients this month (one down, two to go!). You have to think of things you want that make you feel EXCITED; things you really want.

Once you come up with a couple things, write down the WIG on the top of a sheet of paper. Below the WIG write the steps you'd need to take to achieve this goal. For instance, with increasing my blogging traffic I listed things like

Find more relevant blogs to comment on
Comment everyday on other blogs
Get blog listed in as many places as possible
Blog often
Mention blog on Facebook
Read up on getting your blog read

After making a basic list such as this, you need to break down these steps into teeny, tiny, minuscule steps that you KNOW you can get done.

Read up on getting your blog read

Research online sites for articles on getting my blog read
Read articles that seem pertinent
Bookmark online articles to revisit info frequently
Follow through with suggestions listed

I could go on and on, these steps can get really, really specific. The idea is to make the steps to the goal seem manageable, even if the goal is bigger than what you normally have reached for.

I think there is another really important element to this whole process - your belief in it. First of all, it has to be something you genuinely want, something you get that open, excited feeling about. Second, you have to believe you can have it. You have to stay open to the idea that this really can happen. Third, I think you have to believe you deserve it. Maybe that's just me, but I doubt I'm the only one who thinks things like "I don't deserve to make more money" or some other story along that same theme.

Put your heart into it. Pick things you truly desire that make you feel free and alive, and go for it! Believe in yourself, in your goals, and they'll come to you.

Be Joyful!

Cliffhanger

2009-05-04T10:38:00.005-04:00

No clue people, no clue. I just don't know what to write about today. I feel like my life is flowing along, but the only things I can tell you right now are that routine feels pretty good, going outside in the sunshine is the best, enjoy flowers and flowering trees at every opportunity you have, and spend as much time with loved ones (even your pets) as you can.

But, since I'd like to write about something besides that, I'm going to use the "open a book and point at something and see if it's relevant to life coaching" method. Of course, I'm using The Power of Now for this experiment, not The Devil Wears Prada, which I read last week. Probably wouldn't have the same good advice. Here we go... Okay, this is really the paragraph I opened to and pointed to:

Everything that exists has Being, has God-essence, has some degree of consciousness. Even a stone has rudimentary consciousness; otherwise, it would not be, and its atoms and molecules would disperse. Everything is alive. The sun, the earth, plants, animals, humans - all are expressions of consciousness in varying degrees, consciousness manifesting as form.

Then it says some other stuff, but gets to this other paragraph:

Consciousness takes on the disguises of forms until they reach such complexity that it completely loses itself in them. In present-day humans, consciousness is completely identified with its disguise. It only knows itself as a form and therefore lives in fear of the annihilation of its physical or psychological form. This is the egoic mind, and something had gone very wrong somewhere along the line of evolution. But even this is part of lila, the divine game. Finally, the pressure of suffering created by this apparent dysfunction forces conform: It regains self-consciousness, but it is at a far deeper level than when it lost it.

And lastly, tying into my mentioning the watcher mind last week:

Can you now see the deeper and wider significance of becoming present as the watcher of your mind? Whenever you watch the mind, you withdraw consciousness from mind forms, which then becomes what we call the watcher or witness. Consequently, the watcher - pure consciousness beyond form - becomes stronger, and the mental formations become weaker. When we talk about watching the mind we are personalizing an event that is truly of cosmic significance: through you, consciousness is awakening out of its dream of identification with form and withdrawing form from form. This foreshadows, but is already part of, an event that is probably still in the distant future as far as chronological time is concerned. The event is called - the end of the world.

Phew, cliff hanger, right? Perhaps I'll do some more reading out of this particular text and share more with you tomorrow, once I get my mind wrapped around it.

Even though I strive to help others, to heal others, to bring joy to other's lives, sometimes this spiritual stuff, ways to live, things I want to achieve, seems too big. Too much, almost, for me to grasp. And now is a good time to remind myself that it's a journey and everyone, including spiritual masters and teachers, don't always feel as connected as they'd like to.

And with that,

Be Joyful!

The Watcher

2009-04-30T10:25:00.002-04:00

I'm trying to write a post about The Watcher in us all, but I'm having trouble figuring out the best way to describe it. I know the concept is used in some Martha Beck books and a book I'm reading by Brooke Castillo, but I have no idea where the term originated. Research and attention to detail are not my strong point.

At any rate, I think it's an interesting concept to be aware of, and wanted to share it here, but I don't know where to start. Let's go back to high school journalism class and answer the 5 W's. Or are there 4? And I know there's also an H.

What: The Watcher is the part of you that is capable of watching and noticing your thoughts. Let's say you're stuck in a miserable situation and feeling cranky and unhappy. The Watcher can separate from these emotions and step back to analyze the situation. It is from this perspective that you become aware of your thoughts and beliefs, the very things that are causing you pain.
The Watcher is very compassionate and non-judgmental, as well.

Who: It's you. But I think it must be connected to your soul, to the Universe. The Watcher is connected to the oneness of everyone and everything, unlike the part of us we often let control our thoughts: the ego.

Where: Who knows. The Watcher is present in all of us, but I don't think we really know it's there. If you stop to observe your thoughts, you can't be your thoughts. You're The Watcher. But where are you? Still in you, just in a different part of yourself, I guess.

Why: You want to access this part of you because it will help you live a happier life. I'm pretty sure you need to be The Watcher in order to override your ego and what it's telling you to do, which is where you ultimately want to go. The Watcher can compassionately observe that your ego is the one telling you to be cruel to yourself or your friend. It can see when your ego is making you do something based out of fear and hate, not love and compassion. When you notice these things you're much more likely to make a change.

When: Hey, I thought of all 5! When? All the time is probably best. I'm guessing if we all lived in the state of mind of The Watcher all the time we'd be pretty darn enlightened. However, for us mere mortals I would think it would be most important to access this part of us when we're feeling off, unhappy, sad, angry, or afraid. If we notice we have these feelings, and choose to access The Watcher to observe our thoughts and keep our ego in check, we can evaluate the situation and change our thoughts, thereby changing the outcome of the situation and our feelings.

How: Another tough one. Just being aware that a part of you can observe your thoughts, proving that you are not your thoughts, is a good step. The next step would be to put yourself in The Watcher's shoes as often as possible, even when you're not feeling bad, getting yourself in the habit of watching the way your thoughts affect your feelings and therefore, your life.

I haven't the slightest idea if that made any sense, but I wanted to share it anyways!

Be Joyful!

I'm Fabulous

2009-04-28T13:40:00.002-04:00

Now I'm awesome AND fabulous!
Hey Look, Anais from Through Green Eyes gave me a shout out on her blog! She's giving me the "Your Blog is Fabulous Award"!

Never one to miss an opportunity to make this about coaching, this is a perfect example of something I can add to my list of positive things in my life if my Everybody ever starts acting up!

I get to pass this award, as well so I'll pass it on to:

Lee Ann at The Lion's Share
Amy at The Cobalt Dream

I'm supposed to give it to more people, but I don't know how to choose!

I'm also supposed to name 5 guilty pleasures:

Trashy celebrity magazines, for sure!
Warm, gooey chocolate chip cookies
Traveling, although I don't feel too guilty when I do this!
Reading way too many blogs!
Watching The View

Be Joyful!

Your "Everybody"

2009-04-28T10:41:00.003-04:00

I was coaching a client yesterday who was feeling terribly off center due to some family circumstances that caused her to feel very guilty. She's got an ill mother, is starting a new career, and is trying to find balance. She felt like everybody thought she was a bad daughter for not immediately tending to her elderly mother's each and every demand, the moment it was asked of her, and the situation was distracting her from her work and life. When I started digging I realized she was listening to her "Everybody".

You've got an Everybody, too. Say you're thinking of taking off a year from your high-paying, but extremely stressful, job to travel the world. You will have to give up your position and leave your career future to the fates. You really, really want to go, but when a friend asks you what's holding you back from making the commitment, you say something along the lines of, "Everybody is telling me it's a terrible idea", "Everybody thinks it's a stupid career move", or "Nobody gets why I'm doing this and they're all making fun of me."

In all reality, there are probably three or four people who make up your Everybody. It could be your family, some influential friends, or a group, like a club or other organization.

In the case of my client, it was three older women who attended church with her mother. Yes, three church ladies and their phone calls were tearing her life apart! Once I had her name the people who made her feel this way, I asked her to see if she could name some people, preferably more than three, who supported her and knew she was a loving, supportive daughter. She named five off the bat, without having to pause to think.

Yet, like the rest of us, this small group of negative people, even smaller than her positive support group, had caused immense tension and stress in her life! When I asked her which group she felt loved her more, she named the supportive group. When I asked her which group she felt happier to be around, she named the supportive group. When I asked her which group made her feel alive, worthy, interesting, and who she'd rather take a tropical vacation with, she named the positive group!

In this case, just pointing out that she was listening to her Everybody was enough to lighten the load on her mind. If you're struggling with something and realize you're listening to your Everybody instead of your heart, here are some ways to break away.

Fill your life with positive feedback. You want to fill your life with the good stuff from as many sources as you can find. Did you get a beautiful thank you note from a student? A stunning review from your boss? A love letter from your sweetheart? Anything that makes you feel good will work, and if it's not something you have written down, make a list! List the time you got the huge promotion, lost 20 pounds, won Scrabble, or brought down the house with your Karaoke rendition of "Stayin' Alive". Keep these items and the list nearby at all times! Make copies and post them up around the house. My client decided to post a list by her two home phones, as this was where she was when on the phone with the church ladies.
Talk to everybody about your Everybody. Does your best friend really think your dad always knows what's right for you? Probably not. Find out, from people who know you well and love you deeply, what they think about those people whose rules you are living your life by. You might be surprised by what they say!
Hang with your tribe. This might be obvious, but...stay the hell away from those people who are making your life miserable! Hang out with people who tell you you're on the right track, that they're proud of your accomplishments, and that you're great just because you're you!

Be Joyful!

Pete Seeger: Folk Artist or Awesomeness Inspirer?

2009-04-27T09:45:00.002-04:00

Do you know who Pete Seeger is? I'd heard his name before, and knew he was a folk singer, but really had no idea what he sang or what he was all about.

Last night my mother shared with me a program about him that had aired on PBS. She really admires him and wanted me to know about him, too, and I was very inspired by him!

I call myself an Awesomeness Inspirer, and I think the title is more than accurate for this amazing folk singer! His songs against the Vietnam war, for peace, for the environment, for acceptance of everyone are incredible. Musicians are a dime a dozen, but this man stood by his principles and never wavered; in fact he was part of the musical group The Weavers until they agreed to have one of their songs used in a commercial for cigarettes, which he didn't agree with. So he quit!

I am having a hard time describing what it was about him that felt so real to me. He reached out to the people. He wasn't afraid to stand up for his beliefs. He was actually blacklisted in the 50's because he was labeled a Communist; he wasn't allowed to be played on the radio or shown on TV for 17 years! He was responsible for getting the Hudson River cleaned up, too. He got a bunch of people together to build a sloop to sail up and down the river, and at each stop he'd sing and get the attention of people turned towards making the river a clean place again. He built the house his family grew up in with his own two hands!

This man had values that were absolute. He knew what he believed in and he stood his ground in a way that we don't see very often. If anyone inspired awesomeness in millions of people during his life, it's this guy!

I am falling very, very short of doing this man's life story justice! If you have the opportunity to read up on him or see the episode of PBS' American Masters that I watched last night, do it!

All I know is that his story made me want to pursue my dreams harder, to stick to what I believe and not be afraid of what might happen in my life.

Be Joyful!

Well, Happy, Free From Suffering

2009-04-25T08:08:00.002-04:00

One morning while I was away, my friend and I got cursed at by an angry woman in a car.

It was pretty early, around 7 am, and we had to use a crosswalk to cross over to the place my friend's car was parked. A car was coming very quickly towards us, but slammed on the braked and stopped before the crosswalk, in order to allow us to cross. (I have found that when someone in your party is pushing a stroller, traffic is much more likely to stop for you!)

We crossed in front of the car safely, but as we got to the other side the woman yelled out the car window something like, "Jeez, it's hard to stop a car just like that to let people cross, at least you could have waved or something!"

I immediately started over thinking the situation: why we hadn't waved, about how our hands were full, about how I had waved and she just hadn't seen it, about why I was such a horrible person to not think of waving, about what a horrible person she was for yelling at us.

Suddenly, a wonderful, joyful part of my brain said "Send her peace." In my head I said, "May you be well, may you be happy, and may you be free from suffering." I sent it out to her energy and I felt better instantly. I even tried to think about the situation again to see if I could stress myself out, but I felt a nice sense of calm.

I originally heard this phrase when reading about a method for compassionate meditating. The gist of it is that you get into your meditation space, picture someone you love and say, "May you be well, may you be happy, may you be free from suffering." Then you picture someone you don't care for and send the same thoughts to them. Next, picture someone you don't really know, maybe a check out cashier at the local deli or something, and send them the same words. Lastly, you picture yourself and send yourself the same peaceful offering.

Have a great day and be joyful!

A Bunch of Stuff I May or May Not Blog About

2009-04-24T16:55:00.003-04:00

Today I was at ye olde Verizone Store getting a new cell phone (it's purple! I love it!) and that always takes a while, so I jotted down some notes about what I might blog about today. It will be a surprise to everyone, including me, what actually makes it on the post today!

I'm going to be Frank. No, never mind, I'm going to stay Jen, but I'm going to be honest. Remember a few weeks ago I had that weird tongue thing going on and was completely freaking out? I made the list of things I was thankful for? Well, that night I had a panic attack, something that has never happened to me before. In fact, I didn't even know it was a panic attack until I was looking up what I had experienced: heart thumping, shaking, sweating, lots of swearing. That last one may just be me.

Last night I was EXHAUSTED, stressed about 2.3 billion things, and just not feeling my best. I woke up from sleep and again felt freaked out, like I couldn't swallow or something, and I went back into panic attack mode. This time I knew what it was, so I hit "the google" and typed in something along the lines of, "I don't want this panic attack to kill me or last all night, how do I fix it!?!?!?" and got all sorts of neat ideas on calming myself out of the panic attack.

You know what was so funny about all of the suggestions? They relate directly back into what I already teach my clients and thought I was teaching myself: It's our mind that needs to be talked down. Our thoughts are causing the stress. You are going to hear me say it over and over and over, our thoughts cause suffering. Yes, there is real pain and suffering, but other than the initial grief period in dealing with these issues, the rest of our pain comes from our thoughts.

Last night might thoughts were, "I can't breathe and I'm going to die." Obviously, that kind of thought will send you over the edge, and is, in a way, self-reinforcing, because I sure felt like I was going to die! But I felt like that because my thoughts affected my body, not because I was really going to die. So, I breathed deeply, worked on quieting my mind, and got over it.

I always struggle with wanting to appear perfect and well balanced, especially since I'm coaching other people on issues in their own lives, but I need to keep owning up to the fact that I am anything but! I have fears just like anyone else, and mine probably come up even more often because I'm so keenly aware of them.

Hopefully this makes me a better coach, and better writer and blogger, because I want people to know the truth about me. I'm afraid. I am doing new and challenging things in my life and relying on myself in a way I have never done before. But I'm happy to be here, happy to be alive, and wouldn't trade in this new stuff that's popped for anything, because that would mean I was stuck in my old life!

Hmm, did I say anything helpful in this post? I can tell you that if you suffer from panic attacks the most helpful advice I read last night came from this site. The advice is basically four steps: Relax, stop negative thinking, use coping statements, accept your feelings. Jeez, sounds like a life coach talking to me!

Be Joyful!

Earth Day Love

2009-04-22T14:04:00.002-04:00

Want a great pick me up? Go outside today and do something kind for a place we all know and love - the earth! After all, April 22 is Earth Day.

This morning my friend and I headed out on our daily walk along the San Francisco Bay but with an unusual addition: plastic gloves and garbage bags.

Yesterday we noticed the parking lots at the park were overwhelmed with trash, probably because over the weekend there were lots and lots of families and other groups all over the place picnicking, enjoying the beach, and cooking out.

We split up and each hit a different lot, picking up all sorts of junk from cigarette butts to socks! It didn't even take that much time and I already felt great about the clean up by the time I finished, and even better when a passerby said thank you to me!

Be Joyful and help the Earth, too!

What I Didn't Pack

2009-04-20T15:27:00.002-04:00

Why can't I take it with me?

When I got ready for my vacation to visit my friend I packed all I thought I'd need: books, snacks for the plane, socks, underwear, sleep clothes, jeans, contact solution. I didn't think to pack a sense of purpose, deep breathing, or other calming exercises. Because I assumed they'd follow me wherever I went.

Over the past year I have made many, many changes. No, make that the past three years. I'm number one in my life now. I have many loves but if I'm not first, meaning my mental health and happiness, than the loves in my life will suffer. I'd gotten so good at taking care of me through journaling, breathing, meditating, walking, laying with my cats, writing, coaching, being coached, etc, that I thought I'd never leave that place.

I should have known better.

Being away from my routine has been hard. I still have access to the Internet, to books, to my own calm mind. Somehow it's not the same, though. I'm so glad to be here, despite all that, because it has shown me I'm still learning. In fact, I'll always be learning.

Sometimes I think because I'm a life coach and write with the hope that other people will gain something, that I'm supposed to know all the answers. But that is so completely untrue. If I knew all the answers I probably wouldn't be here on earth, I'd be somewhere else, maybe out in the Universe, guiding others, or moved onto some other land I can't even begin to imagine.

But before I go too cuckoo for you, let me get back to my point: I lost me and found me all at the same time. I may have spent some time during the last ten days wondering where my center was, but at the same time I realize it's been there all along, I was just too distracted to notice.

It's good to remember that I can't take myself and my health for granted. Taking care of me, learning more about me, about the world, is going to be never ending. I'm frequently guilty of wondering where the destination is, where I'm going to get where I'm going. I'm already here. There is no other place I need to get to.

Except to the shower, because it's HOT and I'm sweaty!

Be Joyful!

The LIghtworker's Prayer

2009-04-19T11:46:00.001-04:00

Today I thought I'd share something that one of my fellow life coaches just shared with me. It's called The Lightworker's Prayer, and is specifically written for healers by Doreen Virtue, but I believe it's so powerful that it transcends the profession of healing and can be used by anyone, especially people who need centering and are trying to follow their hearts.

The Lightworker's Prayer

I choose to stay centered in the awareness of love, God, and my true self. In this center, like the eye of a hurricane, all is tranquil, safe, and peaceful. My power, wisdom, and peace comes from staying in this center, and I ask for spiritual support from God and His angels to keep my mind aligned with truth.

I willingly detach from the material world, knowing that by so doing, I can effectively help others. I trust God to provide my every need, and I allow His omnipotent wisdom to direct me in all ways. I accept a steady diet of love and joy, knowing that I deserve happiness and health. I willingly and lovingly release all ego judgments about myself and other people, knowing that everything I want comes from my decision to experience the oneness of all life.

I know I am meant to be a healer and a teacher for God, and I now accept my mission fully without delay or reservation. I surrender all behaviors that would block me from hearing my inner voice, and I happily trust my inner guide to lead me along the lightworker's way, where I joyfully serve as an instrument of love.

I release any doubts or fears I may have about fulfilling my Divine mission, and I now commit to staying aware of my inner Voice for God. I know that this is the only tool I will ever need for my own healing and the healing of the world.

Wonderful, isn't it?

Be Joyful!

Countermands

2009-04-15T10:25:00.002-04:00

In yesterday's post I mentioned one method to try to figure out what your essential self is trying to tell you, and gave you a quick idea about what might keep you from doing what it says (your buts). I promised to talk more in depth about that part of the equation today.

Let's say you've taken the time to dream big, to find out what makes you feel the most alive, and to set some awesome goals for yourself. But now, no matter what you do, you feel stuck. What's keeping you stuck? You probably think it's all sorts of things, like your responsibility to your job, your mom, your property manager. But it has nothing to do with external forces. It's those nasty false beliefs, rearing their heads again.

The great thing about feeling stuck is you can use your stuck thoughts to move forward! Yay!

Let's say you've gotten to a place where you pictured your ideal day, or filled your happy basket with things that cause joy to seep from your pores. From their you've formulated a plan: I will climb Mount Everest. I will become a cruise ship Captain. I will learn to make pancakes. Unfortunately, if you feel like you can't do anything to get closer to those goals, your mind is doing a number on you. Your mind is commanding one thing and coming back with a counterman, keeping you right where you are.

Here's what I mean:

I want to climb Mount Everest, but I can't afford to make the trip there.

I want to be a cruise ship Captain, but the training is too hard.

I want to learn to make pancakes, but I burn everything I touch.

Trying to argue your way out of this logically, or help a friend out of this mess by offering logical suggestions (get a second job, take a cooking class, etc) doesn't usually work. A conscious or unconscious thought will keep you from moving forward (I can't get a second job, I'm too busy, I can't take a cooking class, there aren't any nearby that focus on pancakes, etc) when you go at it in this manner. You must attack the belief system behind the but.

First, write down the situation like this (again, stealing from the amazing Martha Beck)

Step One: My Stuck State in a Nutshell:

I can't (condition A) __________________________________________
Because (condition B) _________________________________________

Step Two: State the Real Problem

I want to learn to make pancakes, but I burn everything I touch. This is not necessarily a true statement; this is a great time to use the work of Byron Katie, which I referenced here, and you can also read about at her website. Once you've applied these techniques for dissolving false beliefs to your statement, you come up with something like, "I'm choosing not to learn to make pancakes because of the belief that I burn everything I touch. My true self can make pancakes because it knows that me burning everything isn't the problem - my perception that I do that is what's stopping me."

Here is the format for this step:

My mind is choosing not to have (condition A) ______________________________
because it believes (condition B) ________________________________________ is a problem. My true self can create (condition A)_________________________________ because it knows (condition B) _______________________________ isn't the problem - my beliefs are.

Lastly, you must discredit the counterman (condition B). It's simply a belief that has forced you into believing external reality is keeping you from achieving your dream, but it's your belief system. Try this to take your next steps:

Discrediting Your Countermand

First thing I would do if I did not believe condition B _______________________________
Second thing I would do if I did not believe condition B _____________________________
Third thing I would do if I did not believe condition B ______________________________

Go do one of those steps, right now! Seriously! It will prove your mind was wrong! It was your belief system all along.

Be Joyful!

Baskets and Buts

2009-04-14T10:11:00.002-04:00

I know, I know, you're getting tired of hearing the same message (do what you love! Run through the fields with bunnies and circus performers! Be true to your inner butterfly!) from me. You want to know how the heck you're supposed to figure out what you want to do, if for some reason you decide to take the plunge and do it.

One super simple exercise to help you find what piques your interest is the Happy Basket exercise. I am stealing this exercise from life coach Susan Hyatt. It sounds deceptively simple, but you might be surprised by what you find. Pick some sort of receptacle: a basket, box, empty urn, whatever. Put it somewhere out in the open at your place of residence so you see it all the time and don't forget about the project. For one week, each and every time you see or read about something that excites you, put it in the basket. Okay, if the thing that excites you is that cute guy down the hall, DO NOT try to put him in the basket. Take a picture of him and put it in there or just write down "super gorgeous Adonis that lives in 3G" on a sticky note and put it in the basket. If you hear a song with lyrics that speak to you, write them down and put them in. If you see an episode of a cooking show that gets you going, write it down. A book that makes your heart beat faster, put it in.

At the end of the week, gather it all together and see if there are common themes emerging. Think about what element of each item really excited you. Maybe it's something totally unexpected; you're way more excited about the stock market in China than you realized. Vegetable gardening strikes a chord with you. Opening a raw vegan restaurant would be awesome.

If you need a little more help, trying asking yourself what you loved to do as a kid, and what activities that you did as a kid and now, as an adult, make you lose all sense of time because you're so engrossed in them. See how these activities can play into the items in your happy basket.

Chances are, if you get really excited about an idea, (I am going to move to France and take up Cancan dancing!) your social self is going to step in with all sorts of other thoughts (But I can't do that! I have a job! A boyfriend! A parole officer to meet tomorrow!) This is where the "buts" come in. If you feel stuck about what to do with your life, it's probably because of your buts.

Let's look at some quick examples: I want to move to another city, but I can't leave my boyfriend. I want to work in insurance, but my dad paid for my bartender's license training. I want to groom Poodles for a living, but my cat will be pissed off.

See all the excuses? They're called countermands. They prevent you from moving forward towards your goal.

BUT this post is long enough, so you're going to have to read it tomorrow to find out how to conquer them!

Be Joyful!

Keep Going

2009-04-13T10:44:00.002-04:00

I have a client right now who is such a kind, decent person. But also so unsure of his own identity.

I remember feeling that way in college and for a couple years after. I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do, I couldn't figure out where I wanted to live. I had a few things about myself figured out: I loved traveling, cooking, animals, but not cooking animals. I still felt really uncertain about me; I was stuck in a place where I was trying to make my life into the pretty picture I had in my mind of what it should be...and it definitely didn't turn out the way I expected.

I'm so thankful for all the experiences I had that led me to where I am, though, and I really understand what my client is going through.

I wish I had an easy solution to finding yourself and knowing what each of my client's should do every step of the way. Unfortunately, they have to figure it out themselves, and that means dropping their own notions about what they "should" be, and also following their own heart, instead of living by other people's dreams and hopes for them.

I believe the first step is to stop being a people pleaser. This is a common theme for me to write about because it's something that I frequently run into in my practice (and my own life!) The more we base what we do in life on what other's want for us, the less likely we are to find out what it is that we really want to do, and even who we really are.

For years if I was around people who I considered "better" than me; older people, people who had more self confidence than me, and people I considered to know more than me, I'd change my opinions to match theirs. I'd fudge the truth. I wouldn't say anything even if I know what they were saying was the complete opposite of what I believed and they were pig-headed jerks.

I just didn't feel sure enough of me to stand up for myself. It felt awful. I think finding the situations and conversations that make us feel that way is one of the keys to getting to our essential selves. If it feels wrong for you, it is. If you're trying to be something you're not, it won't work for long.

Keep trying, keep going, keep following your heart. End cheesy sentence.

Be Joyful!

Adventures in Planeland

2009-04-10T09:40:00.002-04:00

Greetings from the west coast!

I left the mountains of North Carolina and headed to Alameda, CA yesterday to spend some time with a friend who has a new baby. My body isn't completely happy with the time change, but I'm so thankful to have gotten here safely and for the adventurous life I am living.

I have to say, I think my more positive attitude and happy outlook on life means more and more wonderful experiences are drawn to me. Yesterday I met not one, not two, but three terrific people during my travels!

I have flown many times before; to Texas a couple times, to Hawaii twice, to New Zealand. In the past I've mostly flown with someone, although I have traveled alone before. Never have I been so open to conversation or had such a good trip.

The first leg of my flight was a short trip from Asheville, NC to Atlanta. I ended up sitting next to a young woman who turned out to be a year younger than me - but she had four kids between her own and her husband's! She was flying home to Minnesota to her mom and we talked about relationships, her desire to go back to school, and the life she wanted to give her kids. When the flight was over we hung out together in the HUGE Atlanta airport to pass the time because she had a three hour layover to her next flight. We walked around, found our gates together so we both knew where we were going, and went to some stores. When it was time for me to board we even hugged goodbye!

I settled into my seat on the big plane (technical term) but within five minutes was asked to deplane - our departure time was being pushed back by two hours! Oh well, I got off, sat down on the floor in the gate area, and soon had struck up another conversation. The woman sitting next to me had a gorgeous little baby girl with a killer head of hair and I started off by asking her how old the baby was, since I was on my way out to see my friend's six-week old. Again, from that starting point we covered all sorts of things - her first child who is in college, her second marriage to a man in the military, how hard it is to be away from home, how they're heading to Germany soon, what it was like when her hubby was gone in Iraq for 14 months. The time until we were ready to get back on the plane flew by, and I was thrilled by my good luck in finding such open people to speak with.

When I got on the plane for the second time, I was disappointed when an older gentleman sat next to me; I thought the end of my fun conversations had come. Boy was I wrong! As soon as he got settled he stuck out his hand and introduced himself, and we talked on and off for the rest of our flight! He had a Coast Guard background and his son is in the Coast Guard, and we was stationed in New London, CT, for a while. That meant something to me because I was born in that town and it was only 15 minutes from where I grew up! On top of that, the friend I'm visiting is currently without her husband because he's out to sea. Because he's in the Coast Guard.

I couldn't even begin to cover everything we talked about on this flight, subjects ranged from babies to relationships to membership in the Mile High Club - one of us was a member and it sure as heck isn't me! When we landed in San Francisco I thanked him for the great conversation and within minutes was in my friend's car, headed to the Golden Gate Bridge, which we walked across! My trip here has barely started and it's already been amazing. I am so thankful for this life. When I look at all the little things that make it up, it is so incredible. I think I thought I always had to be doing something, accomplishing something, for my life to "count". That's just not true, though. Each and every day can be an adventure, and I love this adventure I'm part of.

Be Joyful!

Better Safe Than Sorry?

2009-04-08T06:54:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I was futzing around in the kitchen while my love packed for a trip. It's always sort of stressful for him to pack; he never knows what to bring, he always is unsure of exactly what situation will come up while he's gone, and he always, without fail, packs way too much.

Last year we went to Hawaii for three weeks and he packed enough clothing to start his own thrift store when we landed in Honolulu. Unfortunately, he didn't turn his excessive clothing into cash; he just lugged around way more than he needed. But I'm rambling...

The point is, he was asking me some questions about what I thought he should bring, and in my half-paying-attention-way I said, "Better safe than sorry". This isn't really what I believe when it comes to packing, honestly. Today I'll be packing for my own trip, and I'll probably under-pack to the point where I'll be washing my undies on the plane ride home just to have some clean drawers. But I'm off-point again, aren't I?

This conversation got me thinking about that old cliche, "Better safe than sorry". Really? Is that a cliche because it's true? I don't think it's always the best advice. Here are some situations where I think it makes sense.

Better safe than sorry when:

You are going to go camping in Alaska, alone, and have the option of bringing a shotgun
You are jumping off a cliff and your friend reminds you that you can't swim
You are engaging in activities that could get you or your partner pregnant
You are getting into a car trying to decide if you want to wear your seat belt
You are in any other situation where true bodily harm could come to you if you did not exercise precaution

But those are pretty obvious - I think we all take precautions to ensure we stay safe and alive. That's why I can't ride roller coasters, jump off the aforementioned cliffs, or eat too much cheese. However, I think this phrase is overused and applied to parts of life where we shouldn't be playing it safe, we should be following our hearts!

These are some situations where I don't think playing it safe pays off:

You are in a job you despise; you'd rather be painting the toenails of convicts at the local prison than here, but you've got good health coverage so you stay
You really, really want to be a playwright for preschoolers but your training is in agriculture, so you never make a change because you're afraid
You've been with your significant other for a while, and the fact that they put on deodorant at least three times a week is the best thing you can say for them...but you keep staying because your dad thinks you need to be with someone from a wealthy family
You have a great opportunity to travel abroad and learn a new language, but your family is worried Europe is too dangerous, so you don't go

Do you get the idea here? If something excites you to no end but the voices of your friends, family, your own voice, or other organizations are expressing fear that you'll fail or at the very least be worse off than you are now, you might choose to be safe rather than sorry. Again, I don't want you to go do anything crazy, I just want you to follow your light, your excitement, and your passion.

Be Joyful!

Thankful For What I've Got

2009-04-07T00:52:00.002-04:00

You know how when you get a stomach ache you're so relieved when you finally feel better that you feel like singing Hallelujah from the nearest bus stop? Even though nothing spectacular is happening, you feel such immense relief just from the fact that something that was hurting isn't hurting anymore.

What if you felt that amazing all the time? What if you truly, deeply thanked God or the Universe or Cheech and Chong, whomever, every day, for every single teeny weeny thing in your life that was great?

Sample list:

My toes feel great
My hair is attached to my head
My taste buds work
My ankles are strong
My dry elbows have lotion available to them
My nostrils are functioning
I have eyebrows
I am not covered with fur
I have lots of fuzzy socks
My butt feels pretty good
I have plenty of toilet paper
I have quite an impressive collection of Highlighters
And Post-It Notes
I have a house to sleep in
My teeth are pretty white
My fingers work well
I'm not an alligator wrestler
I'm me

See, I could go on and on. The reason that I am writing about this is that I woke up this evening feeling kind of funny; something woke me up but I didn't know what, and then I realized my tongue felt kind of dry and weird, so I immediately started making funeral arrangements for myself.

Now, an hour later, I'm not sure what I feel, but I have a cat on my lap and my right foot is asleep, plus I'm still alive, so things are looking pretty good. The situation got me thinking, though, about how thankful I am that most nights I get a good night's sleep. And how thankful I am for my good health, my strength, my brain, a hot shower.

It's so easy to get wrapped up in everything that's going wrong, whether it's a situation in our country, our homes, or our bodies, but I'm willing to bet that every single one of us has at least a few (thousand) things to be grateful for.

I'm starting to get tired and I'm hoping this time when I fall asleep I won't have anymore weird dry tongue incidents, and when I read this in the morning I hope it makes some sort of sense...

Be Joyful!

Spreading Peace

2009-04-05T09:00:00.003-04:00

This morning I turned on the TV for some company while I exercised. The first story I heard was about the shooting of three police officers in Pittsburgh. This was pretty much a repeat of the day before, when I also turned on the TV for some company while I exercised and the first thing I heard about was the shooting of 13 people at a community center in upstate New York.

This is why I don't watch the news much anymore. When I had to commute I listened to NPR constantly, both in the morning and on the way home in the evening. Sometimes I'd even listen to the world news, too, or read the news on the Internet. I mostly gave up these habits around the end of last year; between the presidential election having come to a close and all of the terrible, terrible news about the economy, it didn't seem like it was in my best interest anymore.

In fact, I don't think it's in anyone's best interest. I get it: we should be informed, we should be cognizant of what's happening across our community, our country, our world. But I believe very often it just spreads fear. Fear can turn to anger, violence, depression, and a whole host of other emotions that will not do us any good.

This morning I had a feeling come over me while I watched the news. It wasn't fear, though. Maybe some mild sadness, but overall it was a feeling that I need to help spread peace. If we, as a people, can spread love, peace, acceptance, and joy, there won't be room for fear.

I know it sounds like I'm living in a dream world, but I know it's possible for all of us to live happier lives. What feels better: worrying constantly about terrorism, the economy, the war, North Korea? Or being thankful for our families, friends, health, pets, and another day to watch the sunrise? And I'm not trying to downplay the real, scary things that are happening in the world right now.

Even if it's one person at a time, I want to make people's lives better. I once read a book called Conversations With God, and the basic theme, as I interpreted it, was to live our lives with love, not fear. To make decisions about what we do with our time out of love, not fear. That's really hard to do, but I believe it's so, so worth it.

Please join me in making some time for peace today. It can be any small act, like hugging your grandmother, petting your dog for an extra few minutes, or writing down all that you are grateful for. Start spreading love and peace. Turn off the news, or when you watch it, send out prayers and positive thoughts to all that you see suffering. Be thankful for all that you have.

Be Joyful!

I Love Helping People....

2009-04-03T08:24:00.003-04:00

Have you ever heard someone interview a doctor? Or a lawyer? Or a mortgage broker? When they're asked why they went in to their profession they always say, "Because I wanted to make a difference; I wanted to help someone." Okay, these days maybe the mortgage broker example doesn't quite fit...

At any rate, I am sad to say that if someone asked me why I loved my job(s) of writing, creating, blogging, and coaching , I'd have to say, with a cheesy grin on my face, "Because I love helping people!" No, I'm not curing cancer, or solving the problem of poverty, but I like to think I have a small hand in promoting world peace.

This morning since I woke up I've gotten two great bits of news that fill me with joy because what I'm doing is making a difference, even if it's only one person at a time.

This month I had another column published in a local magazine; it's a humorous tale of my most recent vacation gone horribly awry, you can read it here. Anyways, whenever I have something published my mom and step dad always send out an email to family and friends with a link to the article. This morning I got an email from my mom written by a family member, and this is what part of it said:

"I loved the story and I laughed and laughed"

That's why I wrote it! So people would get a kick out of something in their day, not too mention I absolutely love writing. And laughing promotes peace and kindness, if you ask me.

To top that off, I also had an email in my inbox from one of my clients, and he's doing fantastic! I just started coaching him a couple weeks ago to help him deal with some issues surrounding his procrastination and debt issues, and his message this morning detailed a huge accomplishment he's made and how things aren't as bad as he thought! I am so happy!

This is so fun that I would do it for free...and lots of times do! Luckily, I know that since I'm sharing my energy in a positive way, doing something I enjoy, money will come to me even though I'd do it anyways.

So if you asked me why I picked the career I did, it's because I love helping people...

Find happiness
Add in laughter
Pursue the job of their dreams
Establish a happy relationship with themselves and others
Be Joyful!

Why do you love your career?

Havin' Fun

2009-04-02T12:56:00.004-04:00

I have no clue what to write about today, I just feel like blogging. I always try to incorporate some life coaching concept into my posts, but right now I'm listening to a new CD and dancing in my office chair (chair dancing), looking forward to my upcoming trip to California.

But there must be some way I can turn this into something to do with how you can make your life more awesome...

Nope, so far nothing's coming to me. I'm just going to do some random writing instead and maybe it will all turn out okay.

This morning I had a wrap-up session with one of my clients. That is one of the "problems" with life coaching - my job is to work myself out of a job. Being a coach isn't like being a lawn guy or a massage therapist or a hairdresser; those are services that clients will pay you for over and over. Life coaching isn't like that, clients come to me because they want to get over some mental blocks and once I've taught them some tools to use, they usually don't need me anymore.

But that's why I love my job! I want people to not need me anymore, that means they've got a hold on the goals and dreams and can even coach themselves in times of doubt in the future. What could be a more fulfilling career than that?

I guess that's why I'm in such a good mood now. Between sessions I get to pet my cats, dance in my living room, have whatever I want for lunch, take naps, or read. I get to read self-help and spirituality books and I get to count it as work. I get to blog and write columns and articles and count it as work! How awesome is that?

I hope everyone else out there is having as nice a day as I am, and if you're not, take the time to make a list of ten things you're grateful for in your life, ten things about you that are AWESOME, and ten things that bring you immense joy. If that doesn't improve your mood, I don't know what will!

Yup, I still managed to find a way to incorporate coaching into my post, go me! That means another round of chair dancing is coming my way.

Be Joyful!

What's Your Joy?

2009-04-01T08:51:00.010-04:00

A couple of days ago I mentioned that I was in a corporate job that was a very, very poor fit for me. One of the big problems was that I was bored. Another was that I did not get to use my creativity at all.

Luckily, I found ways to pass the time:

This is a landscape made of multi-colored paper clips that I pulled open.

And this is my "Daschpoopard", a combo Daschund, poodle, and leopard that I made in my office out of a leftover toilet paper roll, tacks, and toilet paper. Yes, I was that bored, people. Luckily the art kept me relatively sane, if only for half an hour or so at a time. I also started writing and blogging about my art projects, and the happiness I got from these activities was one of the things that pushed me along in my journey to get the heck out of my job and into my life!

These days I'm not so desperate and have real art supplies on my hands, and I continue to create:

This is a landscape made from tissue paper.

This is a sun made of polymer clay that I made for my friend's baby's room. This was a picture before I finished it (this morning!) and now it has her baby's name written on it. I also made a polymer clay piece for my friend and her hubby:

She loves pineapples as a decor item and lucky for me it means "welcome", so I think she'll really like this piece.

I have one more creative love I should mention:

Cooking! I'm a vegetarian and have been for more than half of my life, but I love feeding family and friends even if I'm throwing some meat in there for them. Often, though, I make something vegetarian or vegan and everybody loves it. And of course I love to bake:

These are some Italian Raisin Cookies that I made over the holidays, as per requested by my step dad, who couldn't bake these if you paid him too. That's what I'm here for!

I did have a reason for showing you all of this stuff, I promise! I try to keep doing enjoyable things even when I'm not at my happiest. I have loved making art since I was a kid; in fact, I was an art major in college and stumbled into hospitality and customer service and then discovered how much I loved connecting with people, which is what ultimately led me to life coaching. However, arts and crafts never, ever became something I shoved under the carpet. Cooking didn't come to me until after college, but it's something else I love to do, even if I don't have to.

What do you love to do as a hobby? When was the last time you were doing something so fun that you forgot what time it was? If you can't think of anything, reach back into your memory for a time when that did happen, when you were shocked to see that hours had passsed and you had barely even noticed. Got something? Why'd you stop doing that activity?

You are responsible for bringing joy into your life. Don't tell me you don't have time - if you have some hobbies or do work that you absolutely love, your energy will skyrocket and you'll make time for that activity because you'll see how important it is to your well-being.

What do you love to do?

Be Joyful!

The Interview Game

2009-03-31T09:02:00.003-04:00

Have you ever seen a book, a TV show, or an article about something that really, really caught your interest? Maybe you thought, "Gee, I'd love to be a barrel rider in the rodeo", or "I could be a world famous cupcake baker, too!". When you thought about doing these new, exciting things your body felt alive, and you felt really happy and excited, remember?

If the thing that sounded so enticing to you was a bit off the beaten track, especially if you're already in an established life, you may have quickly shrugged off your new desire and replaced it with what you think are more rational thoughts, "Eh, I didn't want to learn to tap dance, anyways. I don't have time for that", or "Well, my parents wouldn't like it if I left my stable job selling carpet samples just so I could become a dolphin trainer."

That's cool, as long as you're happy with your job, hobbies, etc. But if you consistently feel drawn to or excited about something, or even if you just want to play a fun game where you envision your future, play along with this little game.

FYI, I'm blatantly stealing this from Martha Beck, the Oprah columnist, best-selling author, originator of the profession of life coaching, and the person who trained me to be a life coach, although I have changed the questions a little bit. Thank goodness she lets us steal her ideas! I picked this game because I LOVE it and I've done it a couple times and it always revs up my energy.

First, pick a time in the future, it can be a year, five years, twenty, whatever you want. You just picked up a copy of a glossy magazine (or, if it's twenty years in the future you probably had the magazine downloaded to your implanted-brain-chip-scanning-device) and you're on the cover! Now I'm going to ask you some questions, but don't think too much! These answers are based on what you "see" when you read this future magazine.

1. What magazine is it?
2. What type of people read this magazine?
3. Why are the readers interested in your story?
4. What information do they want about you?
5. The magazine has a description of your home and town, what does it say, specifically?
6. Is there anyone else living in your home? Who?
7. What is your romantic life like, as reported by the author?
8. The author writes about how you spend a typical day. What is it like?
9. The article focuses quite a bit of attention on your best-known achievement. What is it?
10. There's an inspiring paragraph about the hard times in your life and how you worked through them. What does it say?
11. The interviewer asks what advice you'd give to your younger self. What is it?
12. What's the most interesting part of the article?
13. The interviewer asks about your plans for the future. What are they?

If you want to get really into this, write the whole interview out in full. Don't edit based on your fears; just write what comes to you. Nothing you write is too big for you to achieve, instead just get excited about all the possibilities for your future.

Sometimes people do exercises like this and get really freaked out, wondering if they have to leave their lovers, move, upset their families, quit their jobs, etc. The answer is: of course not! The idea is to open up and express what you really desire out of life, and maybe start taking small steps towards your goals, no life-altering changes need to take place today!

Be Joyful!

What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid?

2009-03-30T08:06:00.004-04:00

Back when I was a cog in the corporate machine I was evaluated by my supervisor yearly. I was asked to provide a list of goals that I wished to attain for the following year. These were quite different than my life goals (most of which, at that time, revolved around dark chocolate and getting more sleep); they had to be serious and reachable within the next year.

After presenting my list to my director I was asked to narrow down my top five goals, ones that I wanted to achieve within six months. One of the items that I determined to be in my top five was "Increase my supervisory skills through research and reading books on the subject." (Side note: Thank GOD I got outta there! This is not me!!!)

We were on a budget at work, like most places, so I headed to the local library and picked up a few books that had words like "managers" and "leaders" and "empowered" in them. One of these books mentioned another book that was helpful to one manager, called Who Moved My Cheese? I had heard of this book over the years and decided to give it a shot - I mean, it's got "cheese" in the title and I could read it during work hours - what's not to love?

If you've never read this book, I'd recommend it. It's a short, quick read and I won't go into great detail here, but there are four characters and one of them, "Haw" (as opposed to his counter-part, "Hem") breaks out of his usual routine to go on a journey. The journey is to find his now-lost "cheese"; his happiness. As Haw goes along on his journey, he writes phrases on the walls of the maze that he is navigating. One of them really struck me: "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"

What a bold, brilliant question. When I read the book I started asking myself that question when I felt nerves or anxiety. My answer was never something like "Go Sky Diving" or "Swim with Sharks".

As it turns out, the answer for me was, "If I wasn't afraid I'd quit this job that makes me cry every week, start pursuing more creative avenues like making crafts, blogging, and writing, and become a life coach so I can reach out to others and help them live happier lives." So that's what I did.

To tell you that I wasn't afraid would be a total crock - but I made these moves in my life because they made my insides feel like light was bursting through them; to be able to be creative and reach out to others on a daily basis made my heart sing. Well, until I actually thought about how scary it would be to quit and then rely on myself to start my own business, then I got really scared and freaked out. But it didn't stop me. I knew, deep down inside, that this was what I wanted to do.

The point here is to find out what you really, truly want to do with your life. It doesn't even have to do anything with career, though often we make employment and career decisions based out of fear and the need for security rather than what our souls really want for us. When you ask yourself what you'd do if you weren't afraid, your answers are probably going to scare the crap out of you. Congratulations, you're on the right track!

I'm not telling you to quit your job today, to leave your lover, to become a circus performer. I'm telling you to take a hard look at what you'd be doing if your fears didn't take over your life. We all have a purpose and a gift. No, not all of us are math geniuses, fantastic musicians, or politician material. Your gift might be customer service. Glass blowing. Running. Making peace. Dog grooming.

Think about what makes you feel alive. Then take a step in that direction. Then take another one. Keep going, even if you're afraid. It will pay off in more joy, more energy, and more satisfaction.

Be Joyful!

Victim Words

2009-03-27T08:42:00.002-04:00

What do you have to do today? Floss the dog's teeth? Pick up the kids from school and take them and eight of their closest friends out for pizza? Pay your 2001 taxes? Floss your own teeth? Have dinner with your in-laws, even though your mother-in-law is going to comment on your lack of cooking ability and the over abundance of your thighs the whole time? Why do we do things we don't want to do?

Because we have to. Right? If you've got some really awful thing on your to do list today, ask yourself why the hell you're doing them. You're probably going to give me some lame answer like, "I have to go to my job because I'd get fired if I didn't go. I have no choice."

How does it feel to put yourself in the victim role? Yup, I said it, "victim role". If you hate your job and go anyways, you're probably annoyed and telling me that in this economy none of us can afford to take a chance with our livelihood. None of us can afford to change courses now.

I'm not going to argue with you on that point, even though I disagree. Instead, I'm going to see if I can help you shift your phrasing and your view point.

Let's say you don't want to go to work. It's awful and not a good fit and your pants are too tight. You say you "have to" go. Why? Probably because if you didn't go you'd lose your job. And then what? You'd lose your source of income, you'd end up on the streets, you'd have to teach your dog to juggle just to get enough change for some Ramen noodles, blah blah blah blah. I get it.

What if you changed your wording, in your mind and in your excuses, to "I choose to go to work, even though I don't like it much, because I want to keep income coming in." Do you see the difference?

Here are some examples of victim language vs. accurate language, as written by Martha Beck in her excellent book, Finding Your Own North Star: claiming the life you were meant to live:

Victim Language: I can't
Accurate Language: I won't, I choose not to, I don't want to, I've decided not to.
Victim Language: I have to
Accurate Language: I will, I want to, I've decided to, I choose to.
Victim Language: I don't have time to
Accurate Language: I'm going to do something else, that's not my highest priority.

Do you see the difference? Sure, there are some things you're doing in your life that suck. I, personally, think there are ways to move away from those agenda items that suck, but as long as you're going to do them, rephrase the way you talk and think about them. You don't "have to" go to dinner tonight with the in-laws, you've "decided to", perhaps for reasons that aren't all that great, like to avoid a fight with your spouse, but at least you're taking responsibility for your actions. Good job.

Be Joyful!

Please Tell Me I'm Pretty

2009-03-26T08:23:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago I blogged about taking responsibility for other people's feelings. Today I'm going to talk about the flip side of that: giving other people responsibility for your feelings. These two go hand-in-hand, let me tell you!

If you consider yourself a "people pleaser", feel guilty for not doing what other people want you to, or are super sensitive to people's moods because you think you may have upset them, you're taking responsibility for their feelings. If you need to hear words of love, affirmation, and consolation from other people in order for you to feel good about yourself, you're also putting your feelings of worth into someone else's hands.

It's not that living this way makes you (or me!) a terrible person; lots of people do it. The problem is that it is ultimately a very, very unsatisfying way to live.

Say you're feeling unworthy and not very loveable. What do you do? Do you get needy and try to control your partner into hugging you, telling you you're worthy, beautiful, and have a great butt? Maybe your partner is all for that, but maybe they're not digging the needy vibe you're exuding, and they pull back. When that happens you get angry and suddenly you're not getting along and you feel even worse.

Consider the scenario another way: you're feeling unloveable but instead of reaching out to someone else to make you happy, you reach inside yourself, to a place where you are absolutely positive you are worthy and loveable, just as you are. Then the next time you interact with anyone, a loved one, a boss, a friend, you'll be filled up with your own love and value, and those around you will be drawn to your positive energy. No need for fighting or trying to coerce someone else into making you feel good!

I can write about this subject with great expertise because I have a Ph.D. in People Pleasing and three advanced degrees in Please Tell Me I'm Pretty.

No matter how many times someone else tells you you're great or sexy or smart, you're never going to believe them for long unless you believe it yourself. Trust me.

So what can you do to improve your own self worth? Admitting you put your feelings into other's hands is the first step, and noticing when it happens day-to-day is the second. Next I suggest lots and lots of lists, mostly because I love them. Write down 25 reasons you're wonderful. Over the next week write 25 more. Write down the ways you're beautiful, desirable, attractive. Write down the reasons you're a kick-ass mom or daughter or girlfriend, and make sure you include "because I'm me!" on the list. There is a line in the prose Desiderata by Max Erhmann that always resonates with me,

"You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. "

You have a place, you deserve to be here. You can't pour love from an empty pitcher, so fill yourself up with your own love and gratitude, don't leave it in someone else's hands.

Be Joyful!

Treasured Memories

2009-03-25T10:57:00.006-04:00

Would you believe I usually have no clue what I'm going to blog about until I start writing? Come to think of it, maybe you can tell that my posts have very forethought put into them.

And today is no exception! Many subjects went through my mind: my latest art project and tips for staying motivated to be creative, how I am blogging while in my bathrobe, why cat-petting is good for blood pressure, etc. Suddenly, though, I thought of something cool I learned that I think is worth blogging about.

Did you know the brain is actually capable of changing? For years it was thought that it stayed fixed, but we know now that's not true. In fact, patients with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can actually find relief using some of the brain-relaxation techniques I recently learned.

I picked the exercise I'm going to talk about today from The Four Day Win: End Your War With Dieting and Achieve Thinner Peace. I wanted to read this book for a number of reasons: I love Martha Beck, who designed the program and model that I use coaching, the book resonates with me because it discusses a topic that has always interested me, and I want to use the tools in the book with my clients who have trouble with emotional eating and battling the bulge.

This book is not another standard diet book. It gives no information on what to eat or how to exercise. Instead, it's about all the other stuff weight-loss programs never, ever mention: that you have to be ready to diet and tame and calm the crazy emotions that caused you to overeat in the first place before you can lose weight.

Okay, okay, what's my point? I learned this really excellent calming exercise that makes me feel super peaceful, so I thought you might be interested in it, too!

First, search around in your memory for some wonderful memories that feel like treasure to you. These memories should truly make you feel alive and wonderful; they should bring a smile to your face! I listed a wonderful night out with my friend Amy, an afternoon spent with my mom, my last day of vacation with Anthony when we strolled the beach, etc. You have to come up with TEN of these terrific memories and write them down. Once you have done this, read them, one by one, and go to a place in your mind where you're there. You're on the beach, you're sipping Chardonnay, you're snuggled up with your kids. When that feeling of warmth and joy comes over you, grab your left pinkie with your right fist. Do this for each and every memory.

Why? Well, a study was done with patients who were diabetic a while back. The patients were brought into a room with a bright yellow squiggle painted on the wall. While in the room they were given their insulin shot, to adjust their insulin levels. Over time when the patients simply walked in the room their insulin levels adjusted, because their brains associated the yellow squiggled room with the change in levels! Amazing!

What this means for you is that if you consistently do this exercise, where you go to your wonderful treasured memories, and grab your pinkie, you'll get to a point where you can be completely stressed out and overwhelmed, grab your pinkie, and be flooded with the same warm and fuzzies you got doing this exercise! Doesn't that sound fantastic?

Practice it a few times - even going to a nice place in your mind will ease tension and help you relax.

Be Joyful!

The Strangest of Places

2009-03-20T22:34:00.004-04:00

Since I've started the journey to the center of my soul, I've sure met some interesting people. Today I met one, well, make that two of them.

I recently discovered that one of my fellow Martha Beck-trained life coaches also lives in Western North Carolina, only about an hour and a half from me. We decided to meet up for a lunch sort of in the middle of our two home towns to get to know each other. It was great to meet another life coach; we speak the same language so our conversations are always fast a furious and full of joy and positive experiences. This is standard, and whenever I speak to another coach I'm usually pretty certain there will be a certain level of connection between us. But a connection between me and my lawn guy?

Turns out once you open yourself to meeting people and making a positive impact, they show up in the strangest of places. If you'll recall, I posted a few weeks ago about my vision board. On this board, one of the many things I included were some photos of landscaped yards. I LOVE beautiful landscaping and I'd love to have a nice yard. But I don't. This is because I detest working on the outside of my house. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to be outside. I love camping, hiking, picnicking, going to the beach, taking walks. But for some reason I just really, really do not like doing yard-type things. I hate raking leaves, weeding, mowing the lawn, watering plants, etc. So I finally decided, in the spirit of believing that I am going to be prosperous and can certainly afford to have some things done to my lawn, to call a landscaper.

This gentleman has been working on my mom and step dad's yard for probably a year now. I've never met him, but they always say good things about him and his work. His name is Mike, and he's from North Carolina originally, so his name has about three syllables in it when he says it! He's very, very southern, and my mom told me he had a daughter who just got married, so I knew he was quite a bit older than me.

Imagine my surprise when he came over this afternoon to assess my yard and we ended up having a brilliant, joy-filled, lovely conversation for over an hour. Me, a liberal, almost-30 vegetarian life coach and him, a good Christian, Southern almost-50, landscaper, had an absolutely wonderful time! We laughed, we talked about his deceased son, his daughter's birth (and conception!), what life coaching was all about, his being laid-off last year and taking the initiative to put his heart into his own business, everything! I asked him if he felt alive when he did this work, and he said yes. I told him I knew he'd succeed. When he left I felt light and happy.

An hour later I headed over to the 'rents house and lo and behold, there Mike was, doing a couple quick things on their yard. And guess what? Their next door neighbor had called Mike over, told him how much he loved what he had been doing with my parent's yard, and hired him to do his, too! My mom later pointed out to me that if Mike and I hadn't been having our extended conversation, which was even later than planned because my lunch engagement ran over, that Mike wouldn't have been in the driveway when the neighbor arrived home from work. Perfect timing! A coincidence? Or the universe showing Mike he should keep following his heart?

Be Joyful! Why? Because it works.

The Gap

2009-03-18T11:49:00.002-04:00

Right now I'm wearing a sweatshirt that has "GAP ATHLETIC" written in giant block letters across the front. We are all familiar with the store where this item of clothing came from, you know, with the place with the pricey jeans and color coordinated mannequins.

So when my mom gave me her copy of Dr. Wayne Dyer's Getting In The Gap, I thought, "Just go to the mall and BAM! there it is next to the place that sells the cinnamon sugar pretzels." But then I noticed the cover had a beautiful cover with a lit candle and a simple row of stones, and there were no skinny jeans to be found, so maybe it wasn't a book about a store at the mall.

So what is this "Gap" Dr. Dyer speaks of? When I started reading the book, which turns out to be about making conscious contact with God through meditation, part of me was intrigued and part of me was wondering if yet another book on meditation would do anything to improve my ability to sit still for more than six seconds without distraction, such as a pile of pancakes of banana pancakes placed in front of me.

Turns out his concept is really interesting. The "Gap" is the gap between thoughts...according to the book, we have 60,000 thoughts a day! Holy Moly! And most of them aren't about much of anything. When we get into this gap, the space between thoughts, we can find stillness, and in that stillness, find God. Sounds pretty good.

The exercise he suggests uses the phrase, "Our Father Who art in heaven, hallowed by Thy name" as a starting place. Picture each word, slowly, in your mind, for 10 to 15 seconds. Once you've pictured "Our", move onto picturing "Father". Once you've also gotten that image of "Father" into your head and concentrated on it for 10 to 15 seconds, you're ready to enter "the Gap". Move your head slightly to the left and picture your mind going between the two words you've been saying, into the space between them. Try to stay in that space for 10 to 15 seconds.

After you get into the gap between "Our" and "Father", continue the same system with the whole phrase, getting into the gap between each of the words.

I'd like to tell you this is the easiest method of meditation I've ever tried and that last night God and I talked about how to improve my juggling skills. Unfortunately, when I tried it last night I fell asleep on the couch, and when I woke up it was time to watch Jeopardy!

Still, I'm not going to give up. I immediately fell for Dr. Dyer when Ellen, of the TV show Ellen, mentioned that Wayne Dyer married her and her wife, Portia de Rossi. When he was on her show I was so impressed with everything he said I immediately ran out and...did nothing. But when I was handed a book with his name on it, I was all for it!

I want to meditate more. I want to find this "Gap". And while I'm there I'll order a pretzel, too.

Good Things Come In Tall (Blurry) Packages

2009-03-17T13:14:00.002-04:00

Today I went for my annual eye exam. I go every year to update my prescription, plus this year I had the added joy of having my eyes numbed for a glaucoma test and then dilated to make sure everything going on inside my eyeballs was AOK.

Today the person who performed these memorable procedures was this assistant that I remember very clearly from a few visits back, mostly because last time we met we had a really interesting conversation. Oh, and the fact that he's the only person I've ever seen, in real life, who has religious tattoos on his hands. I thought maybe he got them in prison, but I don't think that's the case.

I was actually in kind of a crappy mood this morning, I had a not-awesome day yesterday, and that led to a even-less-awesomer night of sleep, plus this morning I had this appointment early and knew I was due for the glaucoma test, which I did not remember as something I was looking forward to experiencing again. (Now, in hindsight, that test is WAY more fun than when I went to the dentist last time and had a filling re-filled. That was freaking scary and I'd much rather have numb eyeballs from eye drops than an entirely numb head from a giant syringe.)

So when I saw this guy, it sort of brightened my mood, so I told him how much I enjoyed our conversation from a couple years ago. He was happy to receive the compliment, and then started asking me questions about the life coaching biz. My vision was getting progressively blurrier, but our conversation was getting progressively more interesting. I told him my basic philosophy, that every one has a purpose (or multiple purposes) and that when we follow them we are our happiest - and that can mean upsetting people around us and doing things that really scare the sushi out of us.

As we continued talking he wrote down a list of books he'd read and thought I would like; I couldn't see a darn thing by this time, but I have the list in my purse! When he finished and got ready to leave the room, he told me he'd been having kind of a bad day and had been down and feeling sorry for himself, and that I'd been a blessing on his day! I was filled with happiness, peace, and numbness. Oh, that last thing was from the eye drops. But seriously, it was so nice to see (ha ha) that I could inspire and help someone, even some random person that I don't really know, through a five minute conversation. And talking to him made me feel better, too.

It was kind of odd having such a deep conversation with someone I whose facial features I couldn't focus on, but man, am I glad things happened the way they did this morning.

My eyes are still so blurry I'm having trouble focusing on typing, so I'm going to go before this headache gets any worse!

Be Joyful!

Using Your Body Compass

2009-03-15T09:14:00.002-04:00

Want to know what I think the number one way to stay in touch with your soul/inner being/God/the Universe's greatest desires for your life are? Listen to your body.

You know when you're in that place, whether physically or mentally, where you feel so free, so alive, your entire being feels light? That's the sweet spot, the place where you can be sure, without any shadow of a doubt, that you're following along the path set forth for you in this life.

On the other hand, you know that feeling that takes over your body when you're doing something you can't stand, like sitting in traffic on your way to a job where every day you get so bored you're afraid you might actually fall asleep at your desk and wake up with computer-key indents in your forehead? The feeling might be like lead in your stomach, a horse on your chest, numbness in your head. That too is an indicator from your essential self, and this one is saying, "Get the hell out of here, stat!!!!"

Some people are very, very in tune with their body's feelings. If you are not one of those people, or just want to see for yourself what your "YES, more please!" and "AHHH! Kill me now!" feelings are, try this exercise:

Sit, stand, or lie down in a position that is open and unclenched - no crossing your legs, arms, or eyes :)

Take a deep breath and take yourself to a place in your mind where you are remembering and actually experiencing a time in your life when you know you were not doing what you were meant to. This can be a day, a month, or longer. I choose that time in my life when I was working for the state and cried every weekend because I didn't want to go back to my grey, windowless office, phew, my chest is heavy just typing that.

Okay, got your thought? Really let it take over your body, it might not feel good! Next turn your attention to your toes, wiggle them. Slowly scan your body, starting at your toes and moving your way up through your legs, pelvic area, tummy, diaphragm, chest, shoulders, arms, neck, and up through your head, searching for the areas where you hold the most emotion. As I said, for me it's a tight chest, but others may feel it through their whole bodies, as a nervous stomach, as hunched shoulders, everyone is different.

Once you've got that feeling, name it. My name is clampy chesty. Make it something easy to remember. And that's what I want you to do: remember that feeling. When you notice that feeling again, note the situation you're in. Who are you with? What are you doing? Where are you? Something about this situation is not right for you, and will be a guaranteed energy-sucker.

Take a deep breath, you can leave that icky place now and go to a sunny one. We're going to do the same exercise, but for a very happy time in your life. You'll do the exact same thing: find a happy memory, let it flood your mind and body, then scan through your body to see where you react the strongest.

I feel it in my chest again, but this time it feels like a column of light bursting forth from me, and I feel so alive and joyful I just want to fly around and tell everyone! When I did this exercise with my mom I nicknamed her reaction, "Mom's had too much to drink", because she became so giddy and giggly! Once again, name the feeling. When you have this feeling in other parts of your life - right on! Keep going, this is part of your path!

Be Joyful!

You Have My Permission To Make It Easy

2009-03-11T13:32:00.002-04:00

Today I was reading through a list of some of Martha Beck's insights on coaching. Martha Beck's books and life coaching methods, along with my experience with my own life coach are what inspired me to train to help other people with their lives, too. Here are a few of Martha's thoughts on coaching:

“Just give up – surrender to your own inner guidance and things will go much easier. The definition of coaching correctly is following your instincts.”
“If it feels like hard work, you’re working too hard. You have my permission to make it easy. “
“You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.”
“Model your own joy and the client will want to follow you.”

I picked these few to share because I think they can be applied to everyone's life and career, no matter what they're doing.

"Surrender to your own inner guidance". If everyone just did this in every aspect of their lives, I would be out of a job. Do you feel like there are shards of glass in your blood stream every time you step into your cubicle? Probably not the best environment for you. Does every encounter with a "friend" make you feel empty, lifeless, or like your chest might implode? Time to move on. Listening to your body's inner compass is one of the best choices you can make for yourself.

"If it feels like hard work you're working too hard." We live in a society where sacrifice and hard work are highly respected. There's nothing wrong with some hard work, but only if it feels right. Going for a ten mile sweaty run might be a challenge, but if you feel alive doing it, go for it! Staying up all night finishing an art project that you feel completely passionate about, also hard work, but so rewarding. However, if you're in a relationship where you genuinely would rather be at the dentist's office getting a root canal but maintain it because you think you have to, that's a sign to move on.

"You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped." It's true! If your sister/boyfriend/mail person/cousin/co-worker is constantly complaining about their bunions/horrible job/mom/big butt/lack of good performance reviews, but does absolutely nothing to change it, there is nothing you can do. Seriously. Stop trying to offer advice and solutions to people who don't want to change. If you stop listening to them complain you stop being part of their story, their game, and they'll stop including you in their complaints. They have to change themselves, you can't do anything.

"Model your own joy and your client will want to follow it." If you'd like, replace the word "client" in that sentence with the person in your life from the above paragraph who is doing all the complaining, "Model your own joy and your sister will want to follow it." Yup. If your family and friends see you rocking out and living an awesome, joyful life, they're going to want to jump on board, too!

I'm going to go surrender to my inner guidance now, which is telling me I need something to drink and a piece of that chocolate chip loaf I just baked.

Be Joyful!

The Law of Distraction

2009-03-10T13:21:00.004-04:00

No, no, this isn't another post about the Law of Attraction. This is about the Law of Distraction.

The law states, "As soon as a project is started, something very distracting will need immediate attention." So true. Sometimes I'm distracted by one of my cats. Or a headline I see when I go online. Or the pressure on my bladder. Or the grumble in my tummy. Or a stray dust bunny blowing under my office door.

This is one of the very few drawbacks of working from home. I never got distracted when I worked in an office or other work environment. I paid attention, never played solitaire, never surfed the Internet, never made conversation with coworkers about that episode of that show we both watched, never did yoga or desk push ups, never made office supply art, and never jotted down notes for my latest writing project. As long as the boss was around, that is.

You got me, I was just as easily distracted at work (office) as I am at work (from home). The difference is that I'm happy with the work I'm doing now, and I don't need the distractions to maintain my sanity. However, even though I work for myself, eventually I have to get back on track and find a way to stay there, and here are some methods I use:

Lists! I LOVE lists. I usually have a list going of what I hope to get accomplished over the course of my work week, plus a sub-list on a Post-It if I have specific things I need to finish on any particular day.

Meditation - I like to take a few minutes each morning before I start work to either meditate or use some of my Law of Attraction techniques to focus on what I want to get done or what I hope to attract into my life. Pausing during the day when I'm going in a million directions for a few minutes of me-time can really make a difference.

Writing or Journaling - If I have way too many ideas floating around at once I can't focus on any of them! Taking the time to write down my ideas frees me up to focus on one at a time without worrying about forgetting another. The same goes for my emotions - if I have lots of feelings coming up at once I can't focus on work. Taking a few minutes to journal about what I'm feeling, even if it's to refer back to and deal with later, get me back on track.

Stretching and Moving - Doing a few stretches or yoga moves can really bring me back to the present. If I've been staring at the computer for too long without moving my feet start to tingle and my brain starts to go numb, talk about distracting! Getting up for a quick jog around the living room, stretching out in the sun on my front porch, or doing a few Down Dogs in my living room gets me ready for more sitting.

Chocolate - Nothing like forgetting about your job in a bowl of fudge brownie ice cream. This is a joke, people! Sure, a light afternoon snack will help keep you in the game if your tummy is rumbling, but no snacking just for the sake of snacking! Walk around your house or do some writing instead and you'll be back to work in no time.

Be Joyful!

Law of Attraction: The Third Act

2009-03-07T09:57:00.002-05:00

Me again. Same subject as the last two posts! This will be the last one for now, I promise!

If you want to try out using the Law of Attraction, here is a fun (I think) and simple exercise:

Pick three or four things you would like to have. These don't need to be physical, material objects, it can be whatever you want. A better relationship with your husband, more money, a really nice vacation, more squirrels in your backyard, whatever you want.

Get a sheet of paper and on the top write one of the things you want. One of mine is to be published in the May, 2009 issue of Skirt! magazine with my website in my bio line. After you write down what you want on the top of the page, write the phrase, "The reason I want this is...." Below this write all the reasons that flow from you, stop when you run out, no need to push it. My reasons for my want are things like, "It will bring lots of traffic to my website", "I'd like to be published somewhere new", "I will get paid for my essay", etc.

Once you've made your list of reasons, turn the paper over and write, "The reason I BELIEVE this will happen..." This part is so important. You must allow the thing you want to happen. If you want a red convertible but keep thinking, "But I can't afford that. There is no way that's going to happen", you're right, it won't happen. My reasons for believing I'll be published in the May issue if Skirt! are things like, "Because I am allowing it to happen", "Because I am an awesome writer", and other things along those lines.

Try it out - put your heart into and really feel the good feelings surrounding your desire. Not only does it feel good to imagine having those great things; it puts your message out into the Universe and will come to you sooner than you think, as long as you keep putting it out there.

Good luck and be joyful!

Law of Attraction, Part Deux

2009-03-04T13:36:00.004-05:00

Last time I posted a rough overview of the book I'm currently reading, The Law of Attraction. Today I'm going to get a little more specific with the first Universal Law covered in the book. That would be:

THE LAW OF ATTRACTION
Catchy, no?

The Law of Attraction says: That which is like unto itself, is drawn.

The book goes onto give the example of a situation which probably has happened to you: you wake up feeling unhappy, and then over the course of the day things just get worse and worse. Another example: You might know someone who is constantly talking about illness has the most bouts of various illnesses.

But enough of quoting the book. What I get from this is that when you're happy and thinking positive thoughts, good stuff comes to you. This goes above religion, color, creed, sex, etc. I am totally open to all religions and believe they all have something to contribute, and I think everyone from every religion can use the Law of Attraction to their advantage.

The one thing that's tricky about the Law is that when you think lots of negative thoughts, you draw that to you, too. For instance, if you are thinking something like, "I don't want to my boss to notice me, I don't want my boss to notice me, I don't want my boss to notice me", and you're feeling these really strong negative emotions attached to these thoughts, the Universe is going to read it as, "I want my boss to notice me, I want my boss to notice me, I want my boss to notice me." The Universe doesn't get the "don't" or negative part that you're saying, only the over all message.

The other really important part to understand in this equation is that you must FEEL what it is you want. Spend some time every day thinking about what you want and go ahead and let your body be flooded by those wonderful and happy emotions that come with those good thoughts. At the same time, when you notice you have an overwhelming negative feelings, notice it and turn your attention to a positive thought and try to get yourself to a positive feeling state. When you feel strong negative emotion, it will bring more negative junk into your life.

So: Good thoughts and good feelings=good things entering into your life.
Negative thoughts and negative feelings=negative things entering into your life.

Seriously, I stink at getting across how powerful this concept is in a few paragraphs on my blog, so check out the book. I am putting out the positive thoughts that you're going to read the book, let's see if it works!

Law of Attraction: Part One

2009-03-02T09:31:00.006-05:00

Between today and yesterday there is more snow at my house than I've seen since I moved to Western NC more than 4 years ago! Amazing! Since I don't have to drive in it, I love it! We probably got about four inches? I know that's not much compared to what I got growing up in Connecticut and then the couple years I lived in Vermont, but man, it is sure beautiful once in a while!

What does the weather have to do with my post today? Not much, but I'm going to try to make it work anyways by asking, "Did I attract this snow storm to me?"

"What the heck is she talking about", you might be asking. Well, I am currently reading The Law of Attraction by Jerry and Esther Hicks and it is incredible. I have to admit, although other books that discuss the same basic concept as this book such as Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting! and The Secret have been brought to my attention before, I never was interested in reading them.

However, this past fall when I was paying my very own life coach (we all need coaching! Even doctors visit another doctor for a checkup once a year) to get me on track, she recommended LOA, and my mom procured a copy for me. For us, really, but I took the book and immediately put it on my bookshelf. And there it sat. For months.

Finally one day a couple of weeks ago, it leapt out at me. It didn't literally leap from the bookshelves, but I swear the book came alive and sent a signal to my brain and by saying something like this, "Jen, read me. Pick me up and read me. Right now. I'm not kidding. You don't know what I'm capable of." It didn't threaten me, exactly, but I knew it was serious, so I went ahead and took the book off the shelf and started reading it.

I suppose one has to be in the right frame of mind for the concepts in this book to be believed and enjoyed, but I am definitely in that state of mind. I fully believe that things find us when the time is right, including books, music, art, people,blogs, and concepts. Sometimes the time is just right. The book's concept may be hard to swallow for some, but it's amazing to me none the less: We attract everything into our lives, good or bad. Not only that, but we can control what we bring into our lives. If you are the type that doesn't believe in this sort of thing, you'll probably find it even harder to believe when I tell you that the book was written by a husband and wife team that actually speak to a Being they call Abraham, who is channeled through Esther, the wife. I genuinely believe it, though.

The book discusses the three Laws of the Universe as told to Jerry Hicks through Abraham: The Law of Attraction, The Law of Deliberate Creation, and The Art of Allowing. This book just covers the basics of each, the Hicks' have actually written quite a few books going into more detail and I expect I'll continue to read their works for more information.

This concept isn't really all that strange to me, in fact, just a couple of weeks ago I posted about the vision board I made, and that's basically the same idea: Putting out what I hope to attract, like a thriving practice, an amazing home with a big, bright kitchen, prosperity, amazing relationships, etc, in the hopes that looking at it every day and dreaming about it will bring it to me. One of the things on that vision board was the statement, "I, Jen, see and draw to me, through Divine Love, those Beings who seek enlightenment through my process. The sharing will elevate both of us, now." Just in the last two weeks I've attracted four clients to me through a column I published in January, and all four of them are exactly the type of folks I love to coach - those who are creative, seeking a happier existence, unsure of what career path to take, and more. So as far as I can tell, that statement I put on my vision board is coming true.

There is so much that it interesting to me about the Law Of Attraction concept that I am going to write a few more posts about it, so stay tuned to more info on how to send your own positive vibes into the universe about whatever you want, prosperity, love, a back rub, whatever, and how it will come to you if you allow it.

Sleepless Nights

2009-02-27T09:35:00.002-05:00

Last night was one of those nights.

You know, you toss and turn, you've got so many thoughts in your mind they have nowhere to go so they just run in circles, chasing they're own tail.

Finally I got up and out of bed, hoping if I read or went online for a while it would lull me to sleep. First I sent a text message to my friend out in California, at midnight her time she was being admitted in the hospital because her baby girl is 13 days overdue and it's time for my friend to be induced. I'm guessing she had a pretty sleepless night, too.

The difference is at the end of her ordeal she's got a beautiful, healthy baby, and at the end of my ordeal I have bags under my eyes and stinky breath from the extra cup of tea I drank to snap me awake.

As usual, it's easiest for me to tackle this issue if I approach it as an outsider; what would I tell a client who had a case of never-ending crazy train thoughts? I'd probably make them get up and do some self-coaching, unless I was on the line to help.

The model I'm going to present is based on the work of Brooke Castillo, a very amazing and successful Martha Beck trained coach.

Basically, you determine what's going on that's upsetting and fit it into one of the following categories:

Circumstances: Something going on outside of your control; it's external.
Thoughts: What's going on in your own head.
Feelings: What emotions you experiences based on the thoughts.
Actions: What you do based on these feelings.
Result: The resulting situation based on all of the above.

This model is really easy for me to remember because the first letter of each word, put together in order, spells "CT FAR", and CT is the abbreviation of my home state, Connecticut, and it sure is far away from me now that I'm living in North Carolina!

Okay, so last night for me this is how things were going:

Circumstance: I got my website up and running
Thought: Ahh! I've exposed too much of myself! People can judge me now!
Feeling: Anxiety, doubts, fear of looking silly in front of others
Action: Sleeplessness. Tossing, turning. Doubts in my abilities.
Result: I did not get enough sleep and today I'm not completely on the ball.

If I could have analyzed some of this stuff last night it probably would have let me sleep and I'd be feeling much more refreshed this morning. Here's how it could have gone:

Circumstance: I got my website up and running
Thought: Yikes! I'm vulnerable now! People can judge me!
***This is where I could have intervened and changed my thoughts around***
If I had searched for the beliefs behind my thoughts, I would have realized my belief was, "If people judge this negatively, I am a failure and no one will like me or want my coaching services." When I phrase it to myself like that, it sounds ridiculous! I'm a failure? Hello! I designed and got my own website running all by myself! I successfully coach people on a regular basis and make their lives better! Also, the idea that no one, at all, will like me because I put up my website? Also incredibly silly. So, if I'd done this work with myself, perhaps the model would have continued more like this:
Feelings: I am awesome! I am so proud of myself!
Action: ZZZZZZZ
Result: I'd feel fresh and fruity this morning; ready to tackle the world!

I suggest when you are experiencing the same run around thoughts in your brain, over and over, you get out the pen and paper and get to the real belief behind your thoughts, then disprove that belief to yourself, it will change your actions and results and will make your life so much better.

Be Joyful!

Humming Along

2009-02-26T16:08:00.002-05:00

I have been a terrible blogger lately! But I've been a great life coach, partner, daughter, web-site designer, and column-writer, so that's just fine.

Since last week I've gained a few awesome new clients who have proven to me why I have the best job on earth (for me, anyways!) The people I draw to me always reflect some of element of myself, whether it's in their creativity, their desire to be likeable, their desire to heal and help others, or that we have the same big fears in common. Helping them to ease their fears and to find their essential selves is wonderful for me in so many ways. The first is that I get to help someone, to reach out. When I hear the energy of a client change, when that lightness comes into their voice, phew, nothing could be better! The second great thing is that when I finish up with them I get to reflect upon how their struggles are mine, too, and how I can best stay in line with what I need to be doing. It's such a great arrangement for me, I can't imagine doing anything else.

Except for writing, that is! This week I submitted two columns, one to WNC Woman and one to Skirt! I've already received a positive response from the editor of WNC Woman, so the column should be in the March or April issue. Writing columns serves multiple purposes for me, too. Being published attracts attention and clientele, and that's always a good thing! Also, it allows me to be creative and express myself, when I get in the zone I feel so alive!

In non-work excitement, I made the best eggplant parm EVER last night. Seriously, best ever. I brought some to share with my mom and step dad and I swear we didn't even need to wash the casserole dish out after, we had licked that baby clean. Cooking and baking are something I certainly love, but I prefer to share that talent with friends and family; no plans to become a professional chef for this girl!

So what makes you feel good? Are you spending enough time doing what you love? Or are you doing something because you "have to", because it's what your parents always wanted for you, because the economy is so bad there is no way you are going to leave your job, even if you do have ulcers from the stress it's causing you?

I'm telling you, we are all meant to live joyful lives. Even if you can add in five minutes of joy a day, whether it's meditating, going for a walk, petting your dog, or getting into a state of pure bliss where you picture all the prosperity and abundance you're going to attract into your life, it will help. Get started today for a better tomorrow.

Be Joyful!

10 Questions for the Dalai Lama

2009-02-16T22:42:00.004-05:00

Tonight I went over to my mom's house for dinner and a movie. I brought the dinner, dessert, the movie, the ability to get the DVD player to work, and of course my wonderful self. Granted, my mom is responsible for bringing me into the world in the first place, so the majority of the credit for the pleasant evening still goes to her.

Months and months ago she mentioned that the movie 10 Questions for the Dalai Lama looked interesting to her and she thought it would be interesting to me, too. My wonderful boyfriend Anthony put it on Netflix and it arrived last week. After finally figuring out the previously mentioned DVD player, we were able to see the film this evening.

It was eye-opening, inspiring, and heart-breaking all at once. I have seen this sticker on cars for years but never really understood everything behind it:

This movie goes into some detail about how and why Tibet and it's people are not free - China took over Tibet and has basically destroyed everything Tibetan about the place; they destroyed monasteries, they beat people who speak out, they are against the Dalai Lama, they even forced Yahoo and Google to edit their search engine result content to show only results that the Chinese government approves of! You can read more about that here.

The Dalia Lama now lives in an area of northern India where he and Tibetan refugees can live in peace, practicing their ways and living and praying the way they choose to.

Despite all that he and his country have gone through, the Dalai Lama is an absolute beacon of peace and joy. He looks younger in this movie, filmed in 2006 when he was 71, than he did in 1988, at age 53, when he won the Nobel Peace Prize. He effervesces, he giggles, he's full of charm and love. He simply does not believe in war, violence, negativity. Even though China has hurt his people and destroyed his homeland, he has no aggression or ill-will toward them, he is an absolute inspiration.

This man embodies so much of what I believe, so much of what I want to be. Although he is Buddhist, he honors and respects all religions. He respects freedom and democracy. He treats people with kindness and is at his truest self at all times. He has a beautiful sense of humor, he understands human suffering, he believes in simplicity.

I absolutely love to find examples of people who live in a way that I can look up to. It gives me hope that I can get closer to my goals, hope that I can inspire others someday, hope that the world can change in a positive way and that we can bring wars and violence to an end. Maybe through life coaching I can teach one person, ten people, 100 people, to find their own strength; to find their positive spirit; to live in peace with themselves in the world.

Be Joyful.

Transperancy

2009-02-13T09:57:00.003-05:00

Last night after I posted I wrote up another entry about my vision board. The other one was funny and sometimes ridiculous, but that's who I am. I think I've set out to be too straight-laced and professional here. I am a professional and my deepest desire is to help others dissolve their false beliefs and help guide them to their right life. But I am also a laid-back, silly, funny woman, and I am going to make more of an effort to let that side of me come out on this blog. I want you to get to know all sides of me.

If you've never read Finding Your North Star by Martha Beck, I suggest you run right out and purchase it immediately, even if you're at work. Especially if you're at work and miserable! In the book she discusses our Essential Selves and our Social Selves. Most people are led by their Social Selves, meaning they do what they think is right, try not to step on anybody's toes, and basically listen to the voices in their head. Instead of quitting their investment banking job to become a rodeo cowboy, the hear the voice of their father, "Son, it's important to have a stable, well-paying, respectable job or you're not a real man." When we listen to our essential selves we feel terrific, though fear will accompany that at first, but it truly is the way to get to our right life.

I believe my feelings about this blog were being clouded by my social self. The voice was saying something along of the lines of, "You must come off as knowledgeable, intelligent, and well-spoken at all times. Do not let them know that you are often typing this blog with no pants on." I think my essential self must be back in charge, because any time I mention anything about not having pants on it's a good feeling.

That's it for me today, thanks for listening.

Be Joyful!

Vision Boards

2009-02-12T13:29:00.003-05:00

Remember elementary school art class? When the teacher ran out of clay and paste he or she inevitably went to the old standby: collages. Could be what you wanted to be when you grow up, your favorite color, your favorite subject in school, whatever.

Mr. Pinoperly may have been onto something, other than killing time and keeping you from tying Bobby Peterson's shoes together.

As an adult with fully formed intentions and thoughts, a vision board can really be a great opportunity to pull all your desires and intentions together into one space. To read more about vision boards, as described here by my life coach instructor, Martha Beck when she appeared on an episode of Oprah, click here.

I have been wanting to make one for a while, and I'm currently reading The Law of Attraction by Jerry and Esther Hicks, which is completely blowing my mind, and now felt like the perfect time to follow through with my goal.

Here is one of my cats, Nola, helping:

And here is the whole thing finished and tacked to the wall above my computer:

I know it's hard to see what's what, mostly due to my terrible photography skills, but also because there is so much going on, so I'll point out some of the highlights of it to you.

I have lots of phrases on there that pertain to both my life and my coaching practice. "Follow Your Inner Compass", "Reach Your Peak!", "Get Inspired", and "Time to find your inner peace".

Right in the center I have an affirmation that I typed up with my name as the subject because it completely embodies what I'm trying to do, "I, Jen Trinque, see and draw to me, through Divine Love, those Beings who seek enlightenment through my process. The sharing will elevate both of us, now." That affirmation gave me chills when I first read it and I immediately started practicing it.

I also have lots of images that represent where I am and want to be in my life: there is a picture of money, there are pictures that represent love, cats, a beautiful home, the mountains, a landscaped yard, a beautiful kitchen, the new laptop I want, healthy foods, and fit, strong women. To be clear, I'm not trying to get other fit, strong women to move into my house with me and my boyfriend, I want to be one of them!

Basically, a vision board helps you to draw those things you desire into your consciousness, and from there you start sending thoughts about those things into the universe. If all goes well, you'll start attracting what is on your vision board into your life.

What would be on your vision board?

Fluffy, Your Thighs Are Lumpy

2009-02-11T10:42:00.002-05:00

Last night I took part in a coaching session with a fellow coach, the purpose of which was for us to coach each other on whatever topics came up.

For me, body image issues ending up arising, which, surprise surprise, is common for me. I often say things to myself, silently, that are not very kind, and I suspect many of you out there do the same thing. Although sitting in the pain of my feelings is draining and not exactly something I like to celebrate, being coached through it and coming out on the other end with some fabulous ideas and new strength makes the process more than worth it.

At the end of this particular session, my buddy came up with what turns out to be a hilarious idea. She suggested that until we talk again on Saturday we are not allowed to say anything to ourselves that we would not tell to each other or another person we loved. For instance, I would never say to my coaching buddy, "Oh my gosh, your eye brows look awful!" We had each other in stitches laughing about the things we say to ourselves but turning it on someone else - we'd never be so cruel!

For the sake of her privacy and the fact that these comments are funnier when directed towards my cats, let me illustrate the principle further by directing some mean thoughts I've had about myself to the kitty currently in my lap, Coconut, therefore taking the steam out of the thoughts and making them funnier, dissipating the pain behind them.

"Coconut, your stomach is too flabby"
"Coconut, you are eating too much. Stop eating."
"Coconut, no one is ever going to respect you and your profession."
"Coconut, those veins in your calves are ugly."

See how silly it sounds? I could care less about the veins in Coconut's thighs, I love her just as she is, which is just how I want to love me.

Practice this yourself this week. If you find yourself saying something cruel, turn it around and think about how it would feel to say to someone else, it will make you more aware and start to break the habit.

Keep On The Sunny Side

2009-02-09T15:51:00.004-05:00

This absolutely beautiful sunset is something I got to experience (a few times!) while I was away from home on a camping trip and vacation to Florida.

Thunderstorms, record-breaking cold, and wind hard enough to blow over the screened-in tent at my campsite were some of the other things I got to experience.

I bring this up because when things don't go according to my plans or expectations sometimes I'm not the happiest camper, (excuse the pun!) but this trip actually turned out more wonderful in some ways I could have ever anticipated.

It's easy to fall into a funk when we think things aren't going our way, but sometimes all we need to do is tell our story another way, with a positive spin on it.

Here's what "Just-plain-grumpy Jen" would say about her vacation:

It started out okay, except the friend's condo where we stayed didn't have any living room furniture, and it wasn't as warm as I thought it would be, and we took a road filled with too many lights down to the Keys when we could have taken a turnpike, and we had to spend one night in our van because it was so darn rainy and there was thunder and lightning and our tent leaked a little and we had to do laundry the next day to dry our sheets out and Key West wasn't as great as I thought it would be and it was so windy and cold one night we barely slept and got up at 6:30 in the morning and decided to leave the camping part of our vacation early and then we spent three more days in the condo with no furniture and went to movies at night instead of lounging at the beach like we should have been and now it's warm in Florida and I'm not even there enjoying it!

And here's what "Joyful Jen" would say about her vacation:

The drive down was great, smooth, with a beautiful sunset, the condo we stayed in was free and there was cable TV and a safe place for me to walk in the mornings and plenty of room for me to stretch in the living room because there was no furniture in it. It was cool and breezy and we took a beautiful walk on the beach, just enjoying the waves. On our way down to the Keys we got to see some parts of Florida we wouldn't have seen if we took the turnpike, and the drive across the bridges to our campsite was beautiful! One night there was a really dramatic thunderstorm that lasted for a long time and we just hung out in the van, boy was I thankful that we had a van to spend time in, and sleep in! I never thought I'd sleep in the back of a vehicle like that, but it was kind of adventurous! The next day we went to town to clean our damp sheets and we had a delicious breakfast at a little hole in the wall next to the Laundromat, I had Cuban bread for the first time! One day we went to Key West and it wasn't what I expected, but we found a fantastic vegetarian joint for lunch and took lots of neat pictures. One night it was so cold and windy that we thought our tent would blow away, thank goodness I had a sleeping bag to snuggle up in! Because we got up super early I got to see the sun coming up and enjoyed a delicious hot breakfast in a restaurant instead of having to cook at the campground. The cold was record-breaking and we ultimately decided to go back to the condo that was free, which was great because we saved some money by shortening our camping vacation, we had cable TV again, a warm indoor shower, and plenty of movie theaters nearby! We love movies and it was great to have a theater with 24 screens in the same town as we were staying. We're home now, earlier than planned, but it's warm up here now, for this time of year, it's great! I'm so thankful to be home to my two cats, my warm bed, and my Internet connection!

See the difference? If we chose to live our lives with a pair of joyful glasses on all the time, it would really make a positive impact on every aspect of our existence.

I'm so happy to be back!

Be Joyful.

Who Are You Really Putting First?

2009-01-29T07:52:00.004-05:00

If you're a woman, raise your hand. If you put everyone else's needs first, including your parent's, kid's, sibling's, pet's, boyfriend's, husband's, teacher's, or boss's, raise your hand again.

Who raised their hand?

If you had asked me that question yesterday I would not have lifted so much as a pinkie finger in response. I am 29, I have no children, no husband, and, when I decided I wanted to be a writer and life coach, quit my job to follow my dream. Sounds like I'm number one, right?

Wrong.

What I do have is a wonderful mother and step father who live only ten minutes from me. I also have friends nearby. And two cats that I live with and love. And a boyfriend that I live with and love. Even though I coach others about their own lives, I still get coached by other coaches, and I am continually coaching myself, too, which is a good thing!

Last night at dinner with my parents, I felt anxious. I ate my dinner too fast. I felt nervous but couldn't put a finger on why. We (boyfriend and I) had a nice visit there, a good meal, a glass of wine.

After we left, I still felt on edge. Why, why, why? Luckily, as I said, I have people who can help, plus I have learned some skills to help myself. First I had to ask myself why I was feeling anxious. The answer was that my mom had seemed nervous when we first arrived at her house, probably because cooking is not her forte (but she's fabulous at hugs, support, love, guidance, and a million other way more important things!) and her nervousness made me nervous. So why did her feelings have that affect on me?

I wanted her to be happy and calm, that's why. Don't we all want our friends and family to be happy? One of the hardest things is to see a loved one upset, at least for me. Okay, so what's the belief behind me wanting her to be happy? Ah, a light bulb went off for me. I wanted her to be happy and I felt responsible for making her happy. This is the first time I ever realized that I take responsibility for her happiness.

However, it's not just my mom's feelings of happiness that I want to take responsibility for, oh no. When looking deeper I found out that I manage to convince myself that it's my job to make everyone who steps into my life happy, or else. My step dad? Check. My boyfriend? Roger that. My friends? You betcha. My cats? I'm crimson in my embarrassment over this one, but yup. I will sit in a position on the couch so uncomfortable I'm afraid the blood loss to my left leg will cause permanent damage, yet I almost never shift my position - in hopes of keeping my cat happy.

So what does it mean, now that I've realized my belief, "It is my responsibility to make others around me happy"? It means I ask myself the four questions given by Byron Katie in her absolutely amazing book Loving What Is, which you should all run out right now (after you read this post) and purchase.

First I have to look at the belief to see if it's true. Is it really my responsibility to make anyone else happy? In some cases "yes" feels like the right answer. But, is it absolutely true, in all situations, that it is my responsibility to make others happy? No, that's not true.

Second I ask, how do I feel when I think, "it's my responsibility to make others happy"? Phew, that's a big burden, and probably why I feel so much anxiety when around others in certain situations. Carrying around that belief is not easy!

Next I ask, how would I feel without that thought, "It is my responsibility to make others happy"? The answer is that I would feel free. I would let others feel what they were feeling and stay in my own head, in my own heart. I know I am kind and open, I can't do anything besides that or force anyone to feel anything different.

Lastly, I have to turn the false belief around. "It is not my responsibility to make everyone else happy." "It is my responsibility to make myself happy." "It is everyone's responsibility to make themselves happy." Those sounds truer, don't they?

The other thing I have to do is put these new beliefs into action. I have to consciously remember that I take care of myself, put myself first, and I have to let others take care of their own feelings. This could be a tough battle, but being aware of my belief is the key to dissolving it.

So who are you really putting first? What false beliefs do you have regarding your level of responsibility towards other people and their feelings? Take a closer look and you may be surprised, but I guarantee once you get to the bottom of them your world will feel much better.

Be Joyful!

TAO

2009-01-25T08:49:00.003-05:00

I titled this piece "TAO" because it is the acronym for the way I try to live my life and coach my clients. I'm going to be honest, I learned it from my life coaching teacher, Martha Beck, and she used the exact same line I did about living and coaching that way when she taught it to us. She told us it's the way she wants us to coach others, so I figured it's okay to steal her line.

You may be familiar with Tao or Taoism, a Chinese philosophy that is used philosophically to signify the fundamental or true nature of the world. I stole that directly off of Wikipedia, because there was no way I was going to get it exactly right. You can read more about it here.

Although Martha is a big fan of this Chinese philosophy, it stands for something different in her teachings.

T- Transparency
A - Authenticity
O - Openness

Life coaching isn't about being smarter, more knowledgeable, or "better" than your client. It's about being transparent with them, being honest about what you think is going on, about the two of you being on the same level. The client knows what their essential or true self wants, I'm just there to help them see it, to peel away their belief systems and expose their fears so they can get to their true nature. To do that I have to be authentically me. I cannot and will not pretend to know something I don't. I won't pretend I have all the answers. I may very well be in my pajamas when I'm on the phone helping you, but I am not ashamed to admit it! I am me and you should be you. I will be open with my clients about my limitations, doubts, hunches, and emotions.

Even if you're not seeking the assistance of a coach or therapist, strive to live your life this way. It can be painful at first to be so open to people, especially family and friends who may not agree with the way you're trying to change your life, or the way you are shedding beliefs that do not ring true to you. Just continue plugging along at it, every time you tell the truth, expose your fears to someone, or stand up to someone about your values, you will gain something that you never had before. You will be one step closer to your center, your right self.

Live Joyfully.

Try, Try Again

2009-01-19T07:52:00.002-05:00

Do you know what one of the hardest things to do is? Trying something new, especially if you have to go it alone. I'm not talking about getting the burrito instead of the quesadilla at your favorite Mexican joint, either. I'm talking the big stuff, especially when it goes against the "norm" or against what the people closest to you normally do.

What's even harder than that? Trying again if you fail.

Right now I'm in the process of planning and trying to execute a workshop called Living Joyfully on a Budget. I've never held a workshop before, in fact public speaking makes me really nervous and my face sometimes turns bright red and stays stuck that way! I truly believe I have great information and want to help people though, so I'm taking the steps necessary to hold the workshop.

The first scary thing was accepting that I do have info to share with others. I think most of us, deep down, struggle with the question, "Am I good enough?" Once I decided that I could do this, could help people learn more about this subject I know so much about, I had to call around to different venues to find out how much it would cost to use their space.

You would think this would be old hat for me - I was an event coordinator at an historic inn for more than two years, and people called me on a daily basis to ask questions about events, but somehow being on the other end was really scary. Once I called what felt like hundreds of places (but was probably only 12) I found a place that I felt comfortable with.

The next step was to make fliers and try to get the word out there. I even found going out to local businesses to ask if I could put a flier up nerve-wracking. I also had to list the event online, which was easy for me, and send a newsletter out. I don't know that many people locally to send the newsletter to, but I put something together anyways and just went for it. The thing is, after each of these steps I felt so much more confident - and now I know I can do these things and I will have confidence next time I try this.

Right now I'm suffering with another problem though - so far no one has signed up. They have until Friday to register, and the workshop itself is a week from tomorrow. If no one signs up part of me will be relieved, but a bigger part of me will be disappointed. I struggle with knowing if I did enough. Couldn't I have put up more fliers?

I have to keep that voice in check though, because I have advertised plenty and have done so many things that are outside the box for me. I am growing every day and learning something new about myself, about my abilities. It feels great to be doing something outside of my comfort level. And if I do "fail", if no one comes to my workshop...well, I'll try, try again. I will find a way to share my information, find a way to reach out to people. This is a process and each new step brings me closer to my goals.

I encourage each and everyone of you to focus on something you'd really like to do and take a step towards making that dream a reality. I know it can be especially tough when your family doesn't approve, which is why some people hire life coaches; they can encourage you and give you the motivation you need to follow through. Learning new information keeps our brains working at top levels, keeps our lives exciting, and just plain nourishes the soul.

What do you want to do?

Prayer and Silence for Peace of Mind

2009-01-15T09:14:00.004-05:00

I spent lots of time praying when I was in my early teens. I wasn't raised in any particular religion, but I always believed in something bigger Out There. Back then I was always praying for something, "God, please help me pass this test", "God, please let my grandpa be okay", "God, please let me get this gum out of my hair". You get the idea.

As time continued on I stopped praying for the most part, although I do remember one frantic time in college when I was late and worried that I was somehow pregnant. I reopened the 1-800-GODHELP hotline that month. For the most part though, prayer fell out of my life.

Now that I'm nearing 30 I have a completely different perspective on prayer. Now I lean more towards listening to what the universe, God, and my inner self have to say to me, to show me. I rarely ask for specific things anymore, although I do often request guidance if there is an issue bothering me.

Even if you don't believe in God, hopefully you believe in yourself, and that your Self has a purpose here in this lifetime. I believe that most of us are bored, depressed, lonely, or anxious because we lack a sense of purpose. If you have found your purpose and are moving towards it in some way, I believe many of those feelings fade.

It's very scary for most of us to think that we have a purpose, especially if we are miles away from it. If you're a high school drop out serving cocktails at the racetrack but deep down believe you should be a nuclear physicist, doing whatever it is a nuclear physicist does, you probably aren't feeling very happy. Take one step at a time and follow that inner voice, and bit by bit you really can change your life.

Part of listening to that voice is silence, or if the silence is too great, prayer. I do not believe you need to be part of any organized religion to pray. I don't even believe you have to think God exists. I think if some small part of you can see that there is more Out There, greater than all of us, and that small part is given the chance to speak to you, it will.

Try it sometime. I often have to meditate in the bathroom to get my cats to leave me alone. I know your life is hectic, but it's amazing how much peace of mind a few moments of living in the present and following your heart can give you.

Live Joyfully.

Forgiveness

2009-01-13T10:18:00.001-05:00

Sometimes we all need a little forgiveness - from ourselves to ourselves.

I have struggled with my body image and eating for some time now, and I'm sure many of you can relate. I'm always trying something new to drop a few pounds or to prevent myself from eating that bag of cookies late at night. I have cut sweets out of my diet for the new year, but I noticed I was being too restrictive with everything - giving myself hell for eating a homemade whole grain pizza with hummus and veggies because the crust had too much fat, eating too much almond butter on my oatmeal in the morning, you get the picture.

Finally I had enough. I spent hours (on and off) throughout the day making a 100% whole grain loaf of bread from scratch for my sweetheart, and it didn't rise to my standards, so I was stressed and disappointed. I decided to have a piece and that opened the flood gates. Once I started eating something I wasn't "allowed" to have, I just kept on going. Not forever, of course, one needs to take bathroom breaks every so often.

Later in the evening I started talking to my partner about it and the tears started to flow. After being mentally tough on myself for a few weeks about my eating habits, then being physically hard on my body by consuming more than it wanted, I needed to release.

I prayed and asked myself, God, the universe, for guidance. This morning I woke feeling a bit stressed out by the whole thing. Was I going backwards? Had I not already learned this lesson many, many times before?

Finally I stopped berating myself and asked myself what I would tell one of my coaching clients if they were to come to me with this problem, and this approach made all the difference in the world. If it were a client, and not me, I would tell them to be gentle with themselves. If I was with them in person I would hold their hands or hug them (if this was acceptable and appropriate) and tell them to take some deep breaths. I would tell them to sit quietly and relax, to comfort themselves and their bodies. To tell themselves they were okay just the way they were. To give themselves permission to enjoy the pleasures of life once in a while, to embrace joy and food and health and life.

It's always a good idea to put a positive spin on something instead of a negative twist. For instance, instead of "I will never binge eat again. I will never stuff myself to that point of discomfort. I am going to stop right now!", a gentler way to approach this is something along the lines of, "I am going to treat my body and stomach with love and respect. I am going to fill my body with foods that bring me health, pleasure, and joy. I am going to continue this behavior for the rest of my life." That sounds so much kinder to our souls.

Forgive yourself. Start fresh. Hug yourself or ask someone you love to hug you. Take deep breaths. You are in good company, we all struggle. Take some time to find your calm center.

Be Joyful.

Welcome

2009-01-12T10:00:00.000-05:00

Hello!

For me, the journey of life is the biggest adventure I have ever been on. I love to travel, create, write, pet furry animals, inspire others and more. I'm here because I want to help others find their centers, get over their fears, and live their true lives.